Keep Singing Out
by munchkinjenny05
Summary: AU-Quinn is just existing, trying to juggle teen motherhood, work and school. A chance encounter results in an unlikely friendship and a love affair that will see her risk everything, can Quinn finally let herself be happy or is she too damaged by the past?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best.**

Quinn tried not to look at the spilled contents of the envelope on the tabletop, but the photo drew her gaze anyway. One simple word _'_Stop_' _broke her heart afresh. With each letter she hoped her Mom would reconsider, but apparently that was never going to happen now. Taking a deep breath, she turned the photo over, but she couldn't ignore the word written on the other side. It was over. Her parents had made their choice.

When they had sent her to her Aunt's place to "consider her options" Quinn knew that was an ultimatum. Her father had laid down the law, get rid of the baby or don't bother coming home. Her mother had been slightly more reasonable at least, citing adoption as the kindest thing to do, for both her daughter and granddaughter. Quinn had secretly hoped that when her mother saw Beth her heart would melt and she would fall in love, as Quinn had, with the baby girl. Instead, her mother had done what she always did and retreated behind the "walls" her father had built, Quinn was no longer included in this protection. Quinn often wondered how they explained her absence to their friends and neighbours. She sometimes passed the time by inventing likely lies for her mother to tell at bridge club or after church. It amused her to imagine her mother dodging the neighbours prying questions. Her favourite invented absence was that she was acting as a missionary in Africa. She knew her mother would have liked that, it suited the image that she cultivated of them.

However, in truth Quinn thought it more likely that they never spoke of her at all. All her letters were returned unopened and her phone calls unanswered, until today that is. She had finally received a response of sorts, but it was not the one she craved.

Quinn shook herself harshly from her self-pity. She couldn't fall apart now, it was time to go. Sadly, she pushed the envelope under her bed where she wouldn't have to look at it.

"Come on honey, time to go see Daddy!" she exclaimed. She tried to make her voice sound excited, but in reality she was dreading the visit.

Juvenile Detention had undoubtedly been good for Puck, but that place always depressed Quinn. She hated listening to Puck's promises as he pledged to do right by her and Beth when he got out. She had no doubt that Puck loved his daughter but she had heard all this before. He had let her down before and it brought home to her how young they both were, how inexperienced. Most of all, the fear in Puck's eyes as he tried to face up to things made her feel more scared and alone than ever. Quinn knew she was a good Mom and she was doing her best, but sometimes love and good intentions didn't feel like enough.

Suddenly, a familiar voice temporarily jolted her out of her misery. It rattled her and she fought to keep her emotions under control.

"Hello Rachel."

"Quinn!" in contrast to her own detached manner, Rachel seemed delighted to see her.

"What are you doing here?" Quinn asked abruptly, still unnerved.

Rachel seemed unaware of Quinn's abrasiveness or politely chose to ignore it. "Noah asked me to come and bring him some of the songs that we've been working on lately." She replied brightly.

Quinn felt some sadness rise in her throat as she thought of the Glee Club. "I see. How are things going? How is everyone?" she replied at last.

"Great. We all miss you of course. What happened to you Quinn? Noah has told us nothing except that you and Beth are fine. Mr Schue told us you'd transferred but he didn't know anything else. As you can imagine, the rumour mill is running riot. I think Santana is telling people that you were sent to a nunnery."

Quinn groaned, "A nunnery? Really? Sorry to disappoint. My Aunt offered me a place to stay that's all. I didn't mean to disappear on you all, honestly. It just seemed easier that way. Don't get me wrong, I don't regret keeping Beth, not for one second, but things didn't turn out the way I expected. I thought by now I would be plotting to become Prom Queen. There's nothing for me at Mckinley anymore."

"You could always come back to school you know. Everything doesn't have to change. Nothing's impossible if you want it enough."

"I can't." Quinn replied. "Too much has happened." She thought of all the suffering she'd caused at Mckinley High, all the bridges she'd burnt.

Rachel decided on a swift change of subject. "This must be Beth, Noah has told me so much about you little one." She cooed softly to the sleeping baby.

"Do you visit Puck often then?" Quinn asked. She hoped that he hadn't told Rachel too much about her current living arrangements. She still had some pride and living in her Aunt's basement wasn't exactly something to boast about.

"Not really, I just bring him stuff from Glee and his homework, which he never even opens."

Quinn laughed. Puck hadn't changed too much then. "Well, I should go."

"It was nice to see you Quinn. I meant what I said, you should come back. You're always welcome at Glee."

"I'll think about it." Quinn responded reluctantly. She had no intention of coming back to Glee but she wasn't about to tell Rachel that.

To her surprise, the brunette embraced her as she left. "Don't be a stranger." She whispered.

Quinn broke the hug, feeling awkward but nevertheless she managed a genuine smile as she rushed off. She reasoned that it was good to talk to someone, even if that someone was Rachel Berry.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did. **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best.**

Quinn found herself agonising over the encounter with Rachel over the next few days. She felt bad about how harshly she had reacted to the brunette but also she was startled by how easily she had opened up to her. She had felt lighter after their conversation, less depressed. Quinn had to admit she was also curious about what the diva had been doing the past few months. Rachel had looked radiant. The girl had always been the most self-assured person Quinn had ever met, but now she seemed happier too. She had even ditched those god awful sweaters.

Quinn cringed at the thought of her own appearance that day, the Quinn from last year wouldn't have recognised herself. Messy, unwashed hair, puffy, tired eyes and baggy, creased clothes. Quinn would never have guessed that she would have come off unfavourably in comparison to Rachel Berry. She resolved at once to do better next time. _Next time_ she thought with a laugh, scarcely believing that she hoped to meet Rachel again.

_I'm just lonely, desperate for adult conversation _she reassured herself as she looked though a box of her old things looking for Rachel's number. Just as she was resigning herself to another night of singing nursery rhymes, Quinn had an idea. Puck's mom knew Rachel's Dads she was bound to have the girl's number.

As soon as she got off the phone with Mrs Puckerman Quinn had to resist the urge to phone the brunette. She didn't want to seem desperate and besides Beth would be waking up from her nap soon. Instead she switched the TV on. Right on cue, Beth's cries signalled that her instincts had been right. It never failed to amaze Quinn as she cradled her baby daughter, how well she had taken to motherhood. It made her smile to think that she was capable of proving her father wrong sometimes.

"We're OK on our own aren't we baby." She whispered. At that moment, all thoughts of adult company left her mind.

Days later however, cabin fever was setting in. Quinn eyed the note-pad as Beth slept peacefully in her Moses basket.

"Hello?" Rachel sounded unbelievably cheerful as ever.

"Hi, it's Quinn." She felt self-conscious at once, what if Rachel was just being polite when she suggested keeping in touch. She carried on regardless, "I was...well...wondering if maybe you wanted to meet for a coffee or something...I mean...I'm going crazy staring at these four walls." Quinn admitted, feeling like an idiot.

"Sure!" Rachel enthused, "Are you free this afternoon?"

Quinn knew she should re-arrange. She had only just got the baby to sleep and she hated disturbing her, but she was eager to get out of the house and although she didn't want to admit it, eager to see Rachel.

"Yeah that would be great. I'll have to bring Beth though."

Rachel didn't seem at all bothered by the idea of a baby gate crashing her afternoon. She seemed delighted in fact. She rattled off the address of some coffee shop she frequented with her Dads' excitedly and Quinn hastily noted it down. She made her excuses and got off the phone quickly, she didn't think turning up in her pyjamas would make the right impression, so she rushed off to make herself presentable.

One thing that Quinn could never get used to about being a mom was how much stuff she now had to carry around with her. Her back was already aching as she trundled inside the coffee shop in search of Rachel. It was a nice place, with a cosy, yet stylish feel. Quinn tried to ignore her discomfort as she made her way through the groups of young professionals and chic couples.

"Are you ready?" she murmured, talking more to herself than the baby.

"Quinn!" The brunette finally noticed her arrival and beckoned her over. As she sat down, Quinn noticed with bemusement that there was a book open on the table. She read the spine. The book was titled 'How to reach your full potential'_. _Quinn figured that Rachel could easily write several large volumes of her own on the subject.

"Am I late?" she asked, nodding towards the book and an empty coffee cup on the table.

"Oh no, not at all, I'm early. My Dads' hate lateness so much that I've become used to being early for everything." Rachel explained. "I'm usually at least 10 minutes early everywhere I go."

Quinn shrugged, that was not a luxury she could afford. She was lucky if she even left the house on time. She gently eased Beth out of her car seat and snuggled her close, tucking her blanket around her.

Rachel's eyes lit up. "She's so beautiful. She has your eyes."

Quinn smiled watching as Rachel fussed over the baby, cooing over her in sing-song tones. Even Quinn had to admit that the girl was a natural.

As if sensing the unasked question, Rachel replied "I volunteer at the Children's ward and I've been babysitting for friends of both my dad's since I was 11."

"Wow." Quinn muttered. Rachel went to fetch them some drinks, leaving Quinn to ponder how little she actually knew about the girl.

"I'm glad you called Quinn, but I'll admit, I didn't expect to hear from you."

"Honestly, I didn't expect to call." Quinn admitted. "I'm glad I did though, it's good to see you. I wanted to say sorry, if I was a bit off with you the other day, I didn't expect to run into you that's all. Quinn paused. "Actually, I wanted to apologise for more than the other day. I'm sorry for how I treated you, you know, before."

"I forgive you." Rachel smiled.

"I was a complete bitch. You still tried to be nice to me. I know it was you who threw me that party when I said I was leaving Glee, I never even thanked you." A solitary tear rolled down Quinn's cheek and she brushed it away, hoping Rachel hadn't seen.

"It's Okay." Rachel lent over the table squeezing the blonde's hand for a moment.

"Thank you." Quinn uttered, so quietly that she wasn't sure the other girl had heard. "You're a good person Rachel."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best.**

**I'm sorry this chapter is so short, I kind of ran out of steam with it, I'm just trying to move the friendship along.**

Quinn met up with Rachel as often as she could over the next few days and weeks. Rachel filled her in on everything that had happened at school since her departure and they often laughed over the antics of the glee club. Rachel talked fondly of school and this only reaffirmed to Quinn that she couldn't go back. She had made the girl's life hell, and alienated just about everyone. Now that she wasn't around, things were better for everybody.

The only person missing from their discussions was Finn. Quinn had tried to mention him a few times but Rachel refused to talk about him.

"I'm not mad at you, you know that right?"

"I know, it's just, everything that happened between us, because of him, all the fights. It didn't even matter." Rachel said sadly. "He didn't even want me, not really."

"I'm sorry Rachel." Quinn thought back to all the energy she had wasted hating Rachel for going after Finn. She held the girl's hand for a moment, trying to comfort her. The transformation that had come over Rachel was startling. Quinn didn't think she had ever seen the brunette so sad before. "You don't need a man to make you happy, trust me. I learnt that lesson the hard way."

Rachel brightened a bit. "It's good; these feelings of rejection make me a better performer. I've decided to forget about it, and focus on my true love, music."

Quinn smiled; this was the Rachel she knew. "Just think of all the songs you can write."

"Exactly. You should come to Glee practice, we could duet together."

"I don't think that is a good idea." Quinn answered, wishing Rachel would drop this. She couldn't step back into her old life and she didn't want to.

"Okay, I'm sorry; I didn't mean to push you." Rachel knew when to back off.

"It's alright, I know you mean well, and I do miss everyone, but...I can't."

"Don't you miss singing?"

"I sing all the time, sure, I've swapped ballads for nursery rhymes but at least Beth is a less harsh critic than everyone in that club."

Rachel laughed. "That's true."

"And in any case, I don't have to worry about competing for Solos anymore."Quinn added with a smirk thinking of all the times lately that Rachel had complained to her of exactly that.

"Well, not until Beth is older anyway!"

Quinn swiped Rachel's arm playfully, her face displaying mock outrage. Actually we'll duet."

Rachel grinned, her sadness forgotten. Quinn was pleased that she was able to take the girl's mind of her heartbreak. The sombre atmosphere had been lifted and Quinn felt happier than she had in months.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best.**

"I can't believe I'm saying this but I miss your put downs." Rachel laughed. "Santana's heart isn't in it anymore. She hasn't even called me "man hands" for 2 weeks."

"It's because you stood up to her, like I told you. You've stopped being an easy target Rachel."

"Tell that to the jocks that gave me a slushy facial this morning." Rachel groaned.

"Baby steps." Quinn smiled; she couldn't believe that Rachel Berry had become her best friend. She was snuggled on Rachel's couch like she owned it, she'd become an almost permanent fixture at Rachel's house. She enjoyed the warm, homely feel and the openness and friendliness of Rachel's dads. Her house had been like a show home, pristine carpets and cushions you weren't allowed to sit on, and as for the basement, that was hardly inviting.

"Are you working tonight?"

Quinn groaned. She had forgotten. "Yeah, thanks for reminding me, I'm doing a double shift."

"Do you want me to watch Beth for you?" Rachel had been a godsend with regards to babysitting, but Quinn often had to stop her doing more than her fair share, she didn't like to take advantage.

"It's Ok, I asked my Aunt. It's so unfair, they said if I take her in with me one more time I'll get fired, but between working all these hours and school, I feel like I've hardly seen her lately."

"You should quit." Rachel repeated for the third time this week.

"You know I can't, I need the money and it's not like many people are rushing to hire teenage mothers." Quinn sighed. "I should go, I need to pick up Beth from Puck's mom, so that I can feed her and give her a bath before work. My Aunt is great but I can't leave it all to her."

"Call me." The brunette replied hugging her. "Oh and don't work too hard."

"No danger of that, I'm exhausted. See you later." Quinn grudgingly left the comfort of the couch.

The sound of the diva's powerful voice hit her as soon as she walked in. She threw the shopping on the table and followed the sound. She hovered in the doorway, undetected and watched as the girl gently bathed Beth, singing all the while.

"She'll be harmonising with you in no time."

Rachel spun around. "I didn't hear you come back."

"Sorry, I wasn't sneaking around; I just didn't want to disturb you mid chorus."

"Maybe Beth won't want to be a singer. Maybe she'll be a dancer or an actress or an investment banker." Rachel giggled as she scooped Beth into a towel.

"She can be whatever she wants but I seriously think that with me and Puck as parents and you as Godmother..." Quinn stopped, realising her slip up. She hadn't meant to tell Rachel yet and certainly not by accident.

"You want me to be Godmother?" Rachel was positively beaming. "Wait, you do know I'm Jewish right?"

Quinn laughed. "Oh my god I didn't realise, you never mention it!" She ignored the scowl Rachel threw her. "Of course I know that, so is Puck. It doesn't matter. I can't imagine anyone else who I'd want to look after Beth if something happened to me. You see her more than my Aunt and I live with her."

Quinn listened contentedly as Rachel rambled on about being the best Godmother ever and detailing her surprisingly elaborate plans for the Christening that she had known nothing about until a few minutes prior. Quinn thought it best to interrupt before Rachel had mapped out her daughter's entire future life, including what college she would go to and where she would get married.

Quinn attempted to choose her next words carefully, she didn't want to ruin Rachel's mood, but she didn't know who else to ask. "Rachel, I wanted to ask you something..."

Rachel was clearly only half-listening, still lost in daydreams. Quinn tried again "Rachel, listen, it's about Finn." At the mention of his name, Rachel's smile vanished, but Quinn was happy to have her full attention at last. "Puck wanted Finn to be Godfather. Obviously I told him no, but I wanted to ask. Are they friends again?"

Quinn couldn't believe that Finn would have made amends with Puck so easily. He still hadn't spoken a word to her since he found out that Puck was Beth's father. Since she had moved she had written him a few emails but she hadn't found the nerve to press send. "Puck said that I should talk to you about it since they patched things up because of you. I don't understand."

"In answer to your question, they are friends again. They sorted out their differences before Noah was sent back to Juvenile Detention the second time."

"How exactly does that involve you? What did you do?" Quinn was shocked; it seemed that as soon as she was out of the picture, everyone else's lives just continued on the same track whilst hers derailed.

Rachel's tone was apologetic, sensing that this was not what Quinn wanted to hear. "Well, there was at atmosphere at school, and especially in Glee. I convinced Finn to come back after his outburst but there was so much tension, it was affecting the whole group. So, to cut a long story short, we made them do a duet together."

"That is so cheesy!" Quinn blurted out, unable to contain her laughter.

Rachel blushed. "That wasn't it entirely. I may have also locked them in the Auditorium until they reconciled." The girl admitted.

"Rachel Berry, I'm surprised at you!" Quinn couldn't help thinking that sounded like something she would have done, she was impressed, she didn't think Rachel was capable of anything like that.

"I cannot take all the credit; I have to admit that Finn found it easier to forgive things when he didn't have to see you everyday."

_Ouch. That hurt. _Quinn knew it was true but nevertheless the brunette's words stung. She didn't like to be reminded of how much she had hurt both Finn and Puck.

"Sorry." Rachel saw the anguish on her friend's face and wished that she could take it back. Quinn had changed so much, but she had plenty of regrets and Rachel knew that Quinn still beat herself up about the past.

Later, Quinn was still distracted. Rachel was telling her about her dads' going on a weekend away together, excited that she would have the house to herself. Quinn couldn't share her friend's enthusiasm.

"I'm going to go and see Finn." She divulged finally. "I just need to talk to him, make amends. I know he won't want to see me, much less forgive me, but if Puck wants him at the christening, I have to at least try. Right?"

"I guess, but it won't be easy."

"I know." Quinn replied grimly.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did. **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best.**

**In this chapter, I tried to refrain from too much Finn bashing, as much as I wanted to make him evil, it didn't really fit.**

Quinn stood on Finn's porch, trying to hold her nerve. Anxiously, she knocked on the door, praying the boy wouldn't shut it in her face. She was shocked by how different he looked, it had only been a few months but he looked older, drained. Quinn wondered if he was thinking the same about her, they were not the same people, and it was her fault, she knew that.

"Hi Finn."

"I know why you're here Quinn, I already told Puck I'm not going to be Godfather, he must have lost his mind when he asked me."

"Can I come in?"

Finn scowled, but he moved aside regardless. He ushered her onto the couch before withdrawing to the safety his father's armchair. Quinn briefly wondered if it was an even bigger mistake to come than she feared it would be, but she was here now and was anxious to get this over with.

"Look Finn, I've run out of ways to say I'm sorry for what I did. I'm not here for that. I just wanted to tell you that whilst me, Puck and Rachel, have all agreed that it was tactless and stupid of Puck to ask you to be Godfather after what has happened, I still want you to know that you are welcome to come. I know you hate me and I don't blame you, but you and Puck have made your peace and he wants you there. So I hope we can work this out."

Finn looked floored. Quinn was aware she had rambled a bit; it was a lot for the boy to take in.

"Did you say Rachel? As in Rachel Berry?"

"Yes." Quinn replied, slightly exasperated that, this was what he was choosing to focus on right now. "I've asked her to be Godmother." She added when Finn continued to stare at her wordlessly.

Finally he uttered "Why?"

"She's my best friend." Quinn realised this was actually the first time she had ever said this to anyone aloud.

Finn laughed, it sounded harsh and unlike him. "Your best friend, are you kidding? You hate her."

"I didn't come here to talk about Rachel. A lot has changed. Besides, it's hardly the strangest thing to come out of this; you and Puck are bosom buddies again, like nothing ever happened." Quinn struggled to keep her anger in check. This wasn't how she wanted this to go.

"It wasn't like that." Finn replied flatly, sinking into his seat. He looked small and dejected.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean it like that." Quinn took a deep breath, Finn was right to be sceptical of her friendship with Rachel, she still scarcely believed it herself sometimes. "I shouldn't have sprung the Rachel stuff on you, it doesn't matter. I came to talk about us, say sorry, so that we could move on. I realise now it was a bad idea. I should go." Quinn stood up to leave.

"Wait Quinn, don't go. I want to talk about us too. I don't hate you Quinn, I hate what you did. You broke my heart, but I could never hate you. I love you."

"What?" Quinn collapsed back in her chair again, everything was going wrong. "I should have been clearer Finn, when I said "us", I didn't mean that I want to get back together with you."

Finn wasn't listening. He rose from his chair and sat beside her. He too close and Quinn edged away. "I tried to make it work with Rachel, I couldn't my heart wasn't in it, I wasn't over you, I'm not. We were good together Quinn, we could be again. I could forgive you."

Before Quinn could respond he had launched himself at her, mashing their lips together roughly. She broke away quickly. "No Finn, this isn't right."

"You aren't with Puck and I'm not with Rachel. Come on Quinn." He leant to kiss her again and this time she pushed him away firmly.

"You're missing the point, it's not about them, it's about me. I've changed. I don't love you anymore. " Quinn hadn't meant to be so blunt.

"Is this about the baby?" Finn snapped.

Quinn sighed, there was no point trying to explain. Finn wouldn't understand. Words were getting her nowhere, so instead she left.

"I'm sorry Quinn; I should have warned you that he clearly isn't over you."

"It's my fault; I never should have gone there."

"Do you want me to come over?"

From the second she had got home and rang Rachel she had wanted nothing more than for her to come over, but they had spent the last hour on the phone rehashing her disastrous meeting with Finn and now she was exhausted.

"No, it's fine, it's getting late and I'm tired. I'll see you tomorrow though?"

"Definitely. Goodnight Quinn."

"Goodnight Rachel."

As she hung up the phone Quinn found herself still wishing that the meeting with Finn had gone better. At least she had Rachel. It cheered Quinn to know that the brunette was there for her and she went to bed marvelling at the bizarre turns life took sometimes.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best.**

**I didn't intend this chapter to be so long, bear with me folks.**

When Rachel arrived the next day, it was all Quinn could do not to break down sobbing in her arms. She'd had such an awful morning. Beth wouldn't settle and no matter what she did, the baby wouldn't stop crying.

"Where's your Aunt?" Rachel asked, surveying the chaos she'd stepped into.

"She's at work. Thank God. Don't get me wrong, she's really cool, I just don't think I could cope with another lecture on the virtues of letting babies' self-sooth right now." Quinn had noticed Rachel raise her eyebrow so she elaborated, "My Aunt is kind of a free spirit."

"Are you 100% sure she's your Aunt?" Rachel asked, no doubt picturing Mr and Mrs Fabray.

Quinn laughed, "She's sort of the black sheep of the family."

It suddenly made sense to Rachel why Quinn had been so eager to stay with her Aunt. "Why don't you go have a lie-down? I'll watch Beth."

"Is that your way of telling me I look terrible?" Quinn smiled. "It's okay, it's not like I'd get much sleep anyway, not without ear plugs." She rocked the screaming infant for a moment. "Actually, if you're sure you don't mind, I could kill for a shower."

"Don't worry, I'm a natural remember." Rachel replied with a grin.

Quinn had to give the brunette some credit, the time out was just what she needed. Freshly showered and dressed, she felt re-energised and rational again. She headed for the kitchen, feeling almost ready to face anything. _Just as well _she thought, as Beth's cries had shown no sign of dying down. Rachel turned to face her, looking distraught and on the verge of tears herself.

"I don't know how you do this all day." She admitted.

Quinn registered the reason for her distress; Beth had been sick all over her. Her hair and clothes were covered in the milky substance. "Oh Rachel, look at the state of you, I'm sorry." She took Beth and started cleaning her up.

She glanced at Rachel again. "Looks like its bath time for everyone." She resisted the urge to laugh at Rachel's stricken expression. "There are fresh towels in the bathroom."

"You've got to be kidding me!" Rachel must have discovered her little prank. "You did this on purpose!" Rachel sulked as she emerged from the bathroom.

"It looks good on you." Quinn smirked, admiring the Cheerios top that Rachel now wore.

"Not funny."

"I couldn't resist. Relax will you, here take this." Quinn handed Rachel a pale blue sweater she had been hiding behind her back. "I made coffee, a peace offering." Quinn smiled, still enjoying her joke.

The coffee appeased the brunette and they excitedly set about making the final arrangements for the upcoming christening. Now that everything was booked, Quinn felt less overwhelmed. She had been dreading the day, organising it all alone. Puck's family had been a great help and she was glad he was going to be there to support her but it was no substitute for her own family.

"I just want the day to be perfect." Quinn sighed.

"It will be, I promise." Rachel smiled, she was determined that this would be a day to remember for all the right reasons, even with Quinn's modest budget.

"Please thank your dads' for me again. Without their friends agreeing to do the catering and flowers and everything, I don't know how we would have managed it."

"Well, it's my duty as Godmother to make sure the day is wonderful and I fully intend to."

Rachel took her role very seriously as Quinn had known she would. Not for the first time that day, Quinn thanked God that she had accidently run into Rachel again.

"Next on the agenda..." Rachel stated, meeting Quinn's eyes, "Noah's party. Are you coming?"

"I don't know...I don't think..." Quinn looked away.

Rachel was undeterred. "You aren't working are you?"

"No, but-"

"That's settled then." Rachel interrupted, not giving the blonde a chance to formulate an excuse. "You're coming. Mrs Puckerman has agreed to look after Beth overnight so no excuses, she seems to think that it is vital you mix with some people your own age, and I am inclined to agree. So that's it. I'll drag you there if I have to."

"Fine, I'll go." There was really no refusing Rachel when her mind was made up and her puppy dog eyes melted even Quinn's icy resolve.

Seeing how happy Puck was, made Quinn adamant that she would have fun tonight. He deserved a good party. Seeing as she was at a loose end without Beth, she decided to go to Rachel's and see if the girl needed any help setting up. Quinn was surprised that Rachel had agreed to hold the party at her house; she hoped that Puck's friends wouldn't trash it too much.

Quinn busied herself hiding the breakable or expensive items whilst Rachel re-arranged the furniture. Finally everything was ready, except the girls themselves.

"Please let me do this, I'm good at it."

"Promise I won't look like a hooker."

Quinn just laughed, and eventually Rachel relented and submitted to the makeover. After extensive rummaging, Quinn managed to find Rachel a simple but elegant red dress that suited the brunette's complexion. After the addition of make-up and Rachel's vow not to accessorise with any dodgy knitwear, both girls were happily admiring Quinn's handiwork.

Rachel was for once lost for words. So Quinn volunteered a compliment.

"You look amazing." She whispered as she surveyed the girl. She had never really noticed Rachel's figure before, but the years of dancing had given the girl a remarkable physique. Quinn tried not to let her gaze linger, feeling tongue-tied herself all of a sudden.

"What are you going to wear?" Rachel enquired finally. Quinn tore her eyes away, hoping Rachel hadn't noticed.

Quinn shrugged, motioning to a bag of clothes she had brought with her, discarded carelessly on the bed.

"I think it's my turn to play dress up." Rachel grinned.

Quinn eyed herself critically in the mirror; the girl had done remarkably well. The colours Rachel had chosen extenuated her eyes, which Quinn had always thought were her best feature.

"You ready?" Rachel peered round the door, "People have started arriving."

"Yeah, I'm coming." Quinn answered, fussing with her hair anxiously.

"You look beautiful." Rachel responded reassuringly. Without another word she took Quinn's hand and led her down the stairs.

It wasn't long before the party was in full swing. Puck loved all the attention he was getting and seemed happier than Quinn had ever seen him. Not that she blamed him; it felt good to let her hair down and stop worrying for once. It occurred to her that she couldn't remember the last time she had danced. She allowed herself to switch off, get lost in the music and forget everything. By the time the song ended she was breathless but she couldn't stop smiling. She felt more like herself for the first time in ages. Rachel stumbled over to her, clearly very drunk.

"How much Punch have you had?" Quinn shouted to make herself heard over the music.

"Come play Spin the Bottle with us!" Rachel shouted back, clearly oblivious to her friend's concern. She tried to pull Quinn along and she had to grab the brunette to stop them both from falling.

As she watched her old friends play spin the bottle, she was reminded of the night she spent with Puck, both the best and worst thing that had ever happened to her. She felt then as if she didn't belong, it was like she knew something they didn't, privy to things they had no idea of. She stepped into the garden, savouring the quiet refuge for a moment. She wanted to check on Beth but a glance at her watch convinced her that Mrs Puckerman would not appreciate that. Inside, she forced herself to go back inside, she'd been enjoying herself and she didn't want to let go of that.

She decided to find Rachel and maybe attempt to sober the girl up a bit. It was apparent that the game of Spin the Bottle was still going on. A little crowd had formed around the circle, blocking her view. She moved them aside. The sight of Puck and Rachel, both clearly wasted, taking full advantage of their turn surprised her.

"What the hell?" the words were out before she could stop them, some kids turned to look at her, waiting to see what she would do.

Rachel broke the kiss sloppily. "Hey, Quinn, there you are! Want to play?"

Quinn stormed upstairs, unsure quite what made her so angry. She didn't understand why she was so hurt, she had no feelings for Puck anymore and Rachel was her best friend, she should be happy for her, glad that she was over Finn. _He's not good enough for her, that's all. She's drunk; he took advantage._

The next morning, Quinn hoped that everyone would still be asleep so that she could sneak out unnoticed. No such luck. Rachel Berry was an early riser even with a hangover.

"Quinn? Is that you? Do you want some coffee?

Quinn thought about ignoring her and sneaking out anyway, but the smell of freshly brewed coffee was irresistible.

"Good morning." Quinn said awkwardly, taking a big sip from the mug she was offered to avoid saying more. She hoped that Rachel had been too drunk to remember so she wouldn't have to listen to her explanations. Unfortunately she lucked out again.

"So, about last night, I wanted to say sorry. I shouldn't have kissed Noah, you're my best friend and you two have so much history. It didn't mean anything though, I need you to know that."

Quinn slammed her cup down on the counter, spilling some on the back of her hand. "Look Rachel, I don't care about Puck, we aren't together and we are never going to be a couple. I care about..." She couldn't finish the sentence, it hung there. Mocking her, she shouldn't have said anything but the words had come out before she could stop herself. She struggled to compose herself. Biting back the words she said, "I care about Beth." Quinn felt bad using her daughter in a lie, but what else could she do. She didn't know herself yet what her feelings for Rachel were, or what they meant.

"You don't need to worry. Noah and I, we are just friends. It was just a game, that's all."

Quinn nodded eager to escape the brunette's perceptive stare. If Rachel saw through her, then it was all undone. She couldn't lose her friend. "Anyway, the party was fun, but I've got to go."


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best.**

**This chapter is told from Rachel's POV, I just wanted to get some of her feelings aside and move the story along. I may do later chapters in her POV too.**

_I'm never drinking again _Rachel thought as she hit re-dial once more. Quinn had barely spoken to Rachel since the party and Rachel couldn't help but wonder why. She guessed that the girl must have feelings for Noah, but Rachel couldn't understand why Quinn was refusing to discuss it, they told each other everything. In fact, these last few days Rachel had really missed chatting to Quinn. She had no clue as to why the girl would distance herself so unexpectedly, even if this was about Noah, Quinn hardly had cause to be jealous, it was just a drunken kiss and Rachel had explained.

An idea popped into Rachel's head then, but she dismissed it at once. Quinn didn't know. She hadn't seen anything. _Besides _Rachel thought_, even if she did see me kiss her, it didn't mean anything. _Fragments of that night flashed through her mind, the prevailing memory was the sensation of soft lips against hers and a blur of blonde hair. Rachel recalled her eyes being squeezed shut, it was over too quickly, and it felt wrong. Not like she had wanted it. Rachel couldn't let that thought continue, it was too dangerous. Frustrated, she pushed re-dial.

"Hi, this is Quinn, leave a message." Rachel hung up. There was no point leaving a message, she had left 4 already.

Rachel decided to go and see Noah. She hoped to work out whether he had feelings for Quinn, and if so, maybe she could reunite the lovers and make her friend happy again, prove to her once and for all that the kiss with Noah meant nothing.

"I was wondering when you would come by, wanted another taste did you?" Noah puckered his lips exaggeratedly, laughing.

"No thank you once was quite enough." Rachel replied rolling her eyes. "In fact, I wanted to speak to you about Quinn."

"You'd better come in then I guess."

"Since the party, she's been well...distant I suppose and I was wondering if you had spoken to her."

"You guys are practically joined at the hip these days; why not just ask her yourself?"

"I think she's avoiding me." Rachel said sadly.

"What did you do to piss her off?"

"Nothing. Or at least I don't think I did. To be honest, I can't remember a lot of what happened after the shots." Rachel blushed, "Do you suppose she could be upset with me because we kissed? I mean maybe she was jealous, maybe she wants to get back together with you?"

Puck burst out laughing. "She's not into me like that; I doubt she'd even be in the same room as me half the time if not for Beth. Maybe she's just busy, you know, with the christening next week."

"Impossible, it's all arranged." Rachel was more confused than ever, if this wasn't about Puck, what had she done to make Quinn so upset with her. _If only I could remember more. _Rachel thought bitterly.

Puck shrugged, clearly getting bored with this line of conversation. "Look Rachel, I don't know, I'm a guy, and Quinn doesn't tell me things. All I know is that the other day, she looked really pale and kind of like she'd been crying. So whatever you did, just say sorry or whatever it is you girls do to kiss and make up."

"I'm going to go round there again and hope she lets me in." Rachel decided finally.

She was in such a hurry to leave that she collided with Noah's mom in the hallway, almost sending groceries flying. "Where are you going in such a rush?" She asked as Rachel helped her carry the bags to the kitchen.

"I'm going to go and see Quinn."

"Oh, that's good, that poor girl needs her friends at the moment. The christening is going to be so hard on her. You know her parents haven't even seen that beautiful baby. It's such a shame. How could they treat their own daughter like that and call themselves people of God."

Rachel was about to make her excuses and leave as quickly as she could when the woman continued. "You'd think they'd at least want to see her get christened, the importance they place on such things."

"What do you mean?"

"Well the Fabray's place a lot of significance on family tradition, or at least they used to, generations have attended that church. I think her parents even got married there. Quinn told me that her mother had kept her old christening gown, which had been passed down the family. The poor girl got quite emotional, bless her, it's all so sad."

_That must be the reason why she is so withdrawn_ Rachel conceded. She couldn't believe she hadn't realised it before. She knew how she could fix this, she would make things right.

"Noah, come downstairs!" She called.

"So Rachel honey, you aren't leaving?" Mrs Puckerman eyed the girl with a baffled expression.

"Sorry, Mrs Puckerman change of plan."

Noah's expression matched his mother's. "I thought you were leaving."

"Listen up Noah. I have an idea and I need your help."


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best.**

Quinn had been concerned when Puck called, he never called her, and she usually had to leave him at least 3 messages before he even picked up the phone. Now he was almost hammering her door down, something must be wrong.

"What's going on?" She hadn't been expecting the idiot grin on his face, and she had anticipated seeing Rachel even less. Rachel shuffled her feet alongside him, feeling awkward and exposed on the threshold.

"Just let us in, will you!" Puck grumbled, pushing his way in.

When it became clear that neither of them were going to volunteer their reasons for bursting in, Quinn became impatient. "What's so urgent?" she demanded, addressing Puck.

"Okay, well...uh...don't freak out, but we've kind of done something for you, I mean...err...we kind of got you something."

"What is he talking about?" Quinn spoke to Rachel this time; she wasn't in the mood to decode Puck's gibberish. "What did you do?"

Rachel pulled a box out of her bag and handed it to Quinn. "We got this for you." She said softly.

"Oh my god! How did you get this? Did you speak to my parents? Oh no! What did you do?" Quinn was aware she was incoherent but she didn't care, she could hardly breathe.

"Quinn, just calm down." Puck replied.

"DON'T tell me to calm down!" Clearly, he didn't grasp the gravity of the situation. "How did you get this?" She asked again, furious with both of them.

"Don't worry, it's cool your folks didn't even know we were there and they aren't going to find out. It's fine, relax." Puck grinned, clearly pleased with himself.

"Please tell me you didn't do what I think you did." Quinn said quietly, gripping the box tightly to prevent herself from strangling the boy.

Rachel knelt beside her, touching her arm lightly, a gesture that would normally calm Quinn. "It's alright, Noah was in and out. No-one saw us, I promise."

"It is not okay!" Quinn retorted angrily. She positioned herself inches from Puck's face, desperate to impart the seriousness of the situation. "This is so far from being Okay. I can't believe you broke into my parent's house. You've only just been released, if my dad finds out he will call the cops."

Quinn turned to the brunette, appalled. "I can't believe you stood back and watched him do this."

"Don't blame Noah, it was my idea. I had to beg him to help."

"What? Are you crazy? We are in so much trouble. Why would you do this Rachel?"

Before the brunette could answer, Beth started crying in the bedroom, woken by all the commotion.

"Great, just what I need." Quinn muttered.

"I'll go." Puck muttered, "You girls need to talk."

"Just tell me why you thought this was a good idea." Quinn asked when Puck had retreated to the bedroom.

"Calm down, let me explain. I'm sorry; I was honestly just trying to help. I know you want the christening to be perfect and I thought that was why you'd been so upset lately. I just wanted to cheer you up, that's all."

"And really, you thought this was the best way to help!" Quinn sighed exasperatedly. "You and Puck have to take the dress back before my dad gets home."

"But Quinn-"

"Now." Quinn stated flatly, thrusting the box at Rachel.

Puck chose that moment to re-emerge. "No way, do you know how difficult it was to get that thing."

Quinn gave him a fierce look, silencing his protests. "I mean it." She said simply.

"Fine, whatever, but Rachel stays here. She almost got us caught last time."

Quinn opened her mouth to complain before thinking better of it; the most important thing was getting her mother's christening gown back undetected.

"Don't I get a say in this?" Rachel whined.

"No!" Quinn and Puck declared in unison. Rachel sat on the couch pouting for a moment before unwillingly handing the box over to Puck.

Quinn occupied herself by warming a bottle for Beth. She couldn't look at Rachel, and the brunette was still sulking anyway. As it happened, she had her hands full. The baby was picking up on her mother's tension and as a result, she wouldn't settle.

"Do you want some help?"

"I think you've done enough today."

"Quinn, please don't be mad, I'm so sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing. Mrs Puckerman told me all about the Fabray family traditions and I thought that was why you'd been so down, why you've been shutting me out."

"I haven't been." Quinn lied feebly, it sounded unconvincing to them both.

"Talk to me, tell me what's wrong!" Rachel pleaded. "I don't know how to help you."

Quinn softened, touched by the amount of kindness the brunette had shown her. She had to admit that Rachel's heart had been in the right place when she stole the dress.

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have shut you out, it's just I'm going through some stuff right now." She continued quickly before Rachel could question her. "I don't care about old family traditions. I know you thought I wanted this, and maybe part of me did, but my parents have made it clear that I'm not a part of their lives anymore. Upholding a silly tradition won't make my parents forgive me and I don't want the shadow of my father hanging over what should be a happy day. I can do this on my own, I want to, and that's why I can't keep the dress, do you understand?"

"You don't have to do this all on your own. I'm here."

"I know." As Rachel hugged her, Quinn couldn't believe that she had been trying to push her friend away. Her feelings for Rachel, she decided in that moment weren't worth risking the best friendship she had ever known. She needed Rachel in her life, and she would rather have her as a best friend than not at all.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best.**

**I couldn't resist putting some bitchy Santana in, as I love her character.**

Things settled into what passed as normality for Quinn as the Christening approached. She and Rachel settled back into their old patterns, inseparable once more, only now they were often joined by Puck. He was eager to get back on Quinn's good side and Quinn had to admit that she enjoyed having him around. He made her laugh and Beth doted on him.

By the time the day of the christening arrived, Quinn was more than relieved, despite her attempts to push Rachel and Puck together; she had been forced to spend a lot of time alone with Rachel working in close quarters, and it was killing her. She had tried to dismiss the way that Rachel sometimes glanced at her, when she thought the blonde wasn't looking, but she was terrified that the girl suspected something. It was easier to ignore, opening up that dialogue meant putting her own feelings under the microscope and she wasn't ready to face that yet.

The christening was a welcome diversion; she was too busy to focus on Rachel and the feelings bubbling dangerously close to the surface. The day went remarkably well, all things considered, and Quinn was delighted when all her old friends turned up to wish her well.

"Thank God Finn didn't come." She whispered to Rachel as they filed out after the service. The brunette smiled, clearly as thankful as Quinn that everything had gone well.

"Come on, at this rate, everybody will get to Puck's before us and there will be no food left." Rachel laughed, steering Quinn out. "I'm hungry."

Since seeing them all at the party, Quinn had tentatively worked towards reconciling with the Glee club, but she had been shocked how quickly they had welcomed her back into the fold. Nevertheless, she was puzzled when Santana approached her in the kitchen. They had eventually agreed to an uneasy truce and since they no longer had to contend with their old rivalries, Santana's attitude towards her former team-mate had eased a little. Nevertheless Quinn hadn't expected her to come.

"I didn't think this was your scene."

"Well, I was hoping Finn would come, and cause a scene, liven things up a bit. No such luck." Santana smirked.

"Sorry if it bored you."

"Don't be, what I saw turned out to be much juicier."

"What do you mean?" Quinn tried to guess what the girl could be referring to, she drew a blank. The day had gone brilliantly, if a little uneventfully.

"Oh come on! I saw the way you made eyes at a certain brunette over the font. It was positively sinful."

"What are you talking about?" Quinn tried to hide her shock. She had no choice but to bluff her way out of this.

"Give it up blondey, Finn told me about your little reunion, it all makes sense now, who'd have thought it. Quinn Fabray a lipstick lesbian. Boys just not cutting it anymore huh?

Quinn had to resist the urge to slap Santana; this wasn't a conversation that she wanted to draw attention to. "I'm not a lesbian. Rachel is my friend that's all. "

"So, do you look at all your friends like you wanna jump their bones? I'm offended, I thought we were friends." Santana retorted with a wink.

"Shut up."

"Touchy. Listen, you do know that your "friend" has had a crush on you since the first day of right?"

"You're forgetting, I started that rumour." Quinn had hoped this would silence Santana's taunts, but nevertheless she winced a little at the memory.

"Whatever, take it from me, all the best rumours have some truth to them." Santana replied, her eyes darkened for a second before she let her mask fall back into place. "Rachel is gay." She added, clearly pleased when Quinn's eyes widened a little involuntarily.

"No she isn't." Quinn replied softly, she looked over at the brunette, deep in conversation.

"Sure about that? You should ask Brittany, or better yet, ask your "girlfriend."

"Brittany?" _She must be lying; Brittany and Rachel aren't even friends, why would she think Rachel was gay._

"She hasn't told you has she?"

"Told me what? What are you talking about Santana?" It was like the girl was talking in riddles. _She's loving this, _Quinn thought.

"You should have a little chat with Berry, you know, before you make plans to run off into the sunset with her or whatever you're thinking. She kissed Britt at Puck's party. You should watch out, you might have competition."

"What? That was just Spin the Bottle."

"The bottle never even landed on them." Santana answered, walking away now that she had delivered the bombshell. "I'd get over your little crush if I was you, the girl doesn't want you."

_That's not true. _Even as the thought crossed her mind it occurred to her that Santana wasn't lying she had no reason to; the truth was devastating enough on its own.

Quinn managed to avoid getting involved in conversation for the rest of the afternoon; she needed time to figure this all out. She politely brushed off any attempts to talk to her, until people drifted away, taking the hint.

Rachel had never given her any reason to think that the girl was gay; the only person she had even shown any romantic interest in was Finn. _She was just drunk, experimenting. I'm sure that's all it was. _

"Hey Quinn, are you having fun?" Rachel appeared over Quinn's shoulder making her jump.

"Sorry, I was miles away." She said at long last.

"Anywhere nice?"

"What?" Quinn couldn't concentrate, she was busy scrutinising Rachel, wondering how she had missed this.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm just tired; it's been a long day. I think I'm going to go home."

"Do you want me to drive you?"

"No, it's fine. You stay and have fun. I'll see you soon." Quinn hoped Rachel wouldn't pick up on the falseness of her tone.

It was only when she got back, locked the door, and had safely tucked Beth into bed that she allowed herself to absorb the implications of what Santana had told her.

She slumped onto her bed. "It's like she's cheated on me and we aren't even together." Quinn voiced her frustration into the empty room, allowing the words to be swallowed up by the pillow as she buried her face. She wished that she could sleep, dreams offered her escape, but no release would come. Instead Santana's cruel words echoed endlessly. _She doesn't want you._


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best.**

**A short little chapter to celebrate the good reviews. Glad people like this.**

Standing at Rachel's door, Quinn felt ridiculous. She couldn't have been more of a cliché if she'd tried, at least she didn't bring flowers. She knew better than anyone that real life wasn't like the movies. She couldn't just march in and declare her feelings, even if Rachel was gay; she hadn't opened up to Quinn about it, which meant that if it was true, Rachel was choosing to keep it a secret. _What am I doing here? _

"Quinn? Are you alright? Rachel has gone out; you two didn't have plans for this morning did you?"

"No, we didn't, I just came by on the off chance, there's something I wanted to talk to her about." Quinn hadn't expected one of Rachel's dads to appear in search of the mail. She hoped she didn't look as pathetic as she felt, loitering outside like some kind of stalker.

"That sounds serious," Rachel's dad chuckled gently mocking Quinn's solemn expression. He had no idea why teenage girls made such a drama out of everything. "She shouldn't be long, you are more than welcome to come in and wait for her, if you'd like."

"Thanks." Quinn knew that she should go home, sort her head out, and calm down. She hadn't slept much at all and her nerves were shot. Now was not the time. She needed to work out what she was going to say to Rachel properly. She couldn't rush this.

"Come on, in out of the cold, what kind of man would I be if I left a poor little baby and her mother to freeze on my doorstep?" He tickled Beth under the chin and motioned them both inside without waiting for an answer.

"Coffee?"

"That'd be great." Quinn felt calmer at once; Rachel's dads' always had this effect. Like Rachel they were both unrelentingly cheerful and positive people. It rubbed off on you whether you wanted it to or not.

"So this problem, the one you wanted to talk to Rachel about, can I help at all?"

"I don't think so. I mean, I wouldn't know where to start. Besides, I'm sure you've got better things to do than listen to my problems."

"Try me. Rachel always found me to be very helpful. I was considered the best agony aunt around, until she met you again of course."

Quinn smiled, Rachel was really lucky. "How do you know if it's worth the risk?"

"If what's worth the risk my dear?"

"Love." Quinn answered softly.

"Love is the only thing that matters." Mr Berry replied. "Love is everything."

"But, if I say the words, everything will change. What if the other person doesn't feel the same?"

"What if the other person is sat there thinking the exact same thing? Think of all the time you will have wasted being afraid."

"I know, you're right, it's just. This person, they mean so much to me already, I don't want to lose them. I don't think I could deal with anyone else leaving me."Quinn sighed, before adding. "Love complicates everything. Can't we just stay friends?"

"I don't think you would be sat here talking to me if you could sweetheart, do you?"

Quinn began to cry then, scaring herself with the force of her sobs. Rachel's dad scooped her into a comforting bear hug and she thought again how fortunate the girl was. Now, standing in Rachel's bathroom she felt embarrassed. She didn't cry in front of people often and she could never get used to the vulnerability of it. She was glad when Mr Berry had sent her to get cleaned up. _Thank God Rachel didn't come home in the middle of that._ Quinn thought, before wondering if perhaps it might have been better if she had. Quinn had no idea what she was going to do about Rachel, but she knew one thing for sure, she couldn't carry on as she was. It was too hard. Her little outburst earlier proved that. She would have to talk to Rachel, and soon. _Not now though, one emotional outpouring is enough for one day._

Quinn thanked Rachel's dad and made her escape. It made her laugh bitterly to imagine herself ever trying to have a conversation like that with her own father. Even when she was a little girl he used to get irritated if she cried and Quinn couldn't remember a time when he had ever really hugged her. _No wonder I'm so messed up._


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best.**

**Another chapter told in Rachel's POV. My last update for a while as I am going away for a few days. Enjoy!**

Rachel slammed her history book closed. It was no use, none of the dates were going in, and she just couldn't concentrate. Her dad had been acting weird since she got home, it was like there was something he wasn't telling her and he kept looking at her strangely, the shadow of a smile on his lips. It was bad enough that Quinn was being cryptic with her again, now her father too. _Let them have their secrets if they want. _Rachel thought. _It's hard enough dealing with my own._

Her phone buzzed. _Somebody up there really doesn't want me to study,_ Rachel thought, _well that's just fine with me. _It was another message from Brittany. Her heart sank a little, she was glad that Brittany had been so nice to her since the party, but she'd had her hopes pinned on hanging out with another blonde today.

Rachel picked up the phone anyway. "Hi Brittany."

"Rachel, hey, do you want to get coffee with me?"

"I can't right now, I really need to study." It wasn't a total lie; she really had been neglecting her school work lately.

"Oh sure." Brittany sounded as though the concept had never even crossed her mind. "Well I just wanted to say, Santana told me and I'm really happy for you. That's all."

"What did Santana tell you?" Rachel dreaded to think what rumours the cheerleader was spreading about her now.

"She told me everything. About you and Quinn, I think it's really sweet."

"What? Whatever Santana said, it's not true. Quinn I and aren't a couple. She's just trying to cause trouble; you shouldn't listen to her Brittany."

"Santana wouldn't do that, she said she was really happy for you both. Wait, so...did you two break up...I'm so sorry Rachel."

"We're just friends, listen I've got to go okay." Rachel couldn't hear anymore of this. It looked as though Santana wasn't leaving her alone anymore. Rachel could normally shrug off Santana's insults and ignore the ridiculous gossip that she spread about her, but this was different. Brittany believed her. Other people might too. Obviously only Brittany and Santana knew about the kiss, but it was common knowledge that the girls were best friends. It was no secret how much time they spent together. People could easily get the wrong idea. _What if she has said something to Quinn?_

Rachel decided that she would have to do some damage control. The first thing to do was to find Quinn and tell her. She was scared how the blonde would react, but she had no choice. It was better coming from her than somebody else. Quinn was a lot more open-minded than Rachel had expected, given her beliefs and her strict upbringing, but she had no clue how she would react now that it was her best friend involved. _Maybe she'll laugh it off; she knows better than anyone what Santana is like. This is just another silly rumour. _

It was easy to say that she was going to tell Quinn when she was sat in her bedroom on the other side of town, but now that she was here, the reality was a lot more daunting. Quinn would only have to look in her eyes and she would know. _No going back now. _Rachel knocked, trying to keep her hand from trembling. She made herself take a lungful of air; she had to believe that things would be fine.

"Rachel? Are you okay? Come and sit down, you're as white as a sheet."

"We need to talk. I haven't been totally honest with you." Quinn's expression was unreadable. "I..." Rachel couldn't find the words, she tried again, "At the party, I kissed Brittany, and now Santana is saying things, spreading rumours about me, about us. I thought you should know." It came out garbled, in a rush.

"It's okay Rachel, I already know."

"You do?" Rachel couldn't believe it.

"Santana took great delight in telling me after the christening. I think she thought I'd be upset, cause a scene or something. That girl loves drama."

"So, you're not? Upset, I mean."

"Why would I be? I wish you'd told me though; we could have talked about it. We can tell each other anything can't we?" Some unidentifiable emotion passed over Quinn's face then, just for a split second. The blonde looked away, and when she looked back, Rachel couldn't sure if it had even been there at all. She had detected desperation in her friend's question nonetheless; she wondered what secrets Quinn longed to unburden.

"It was a mistake. I thought if I didn't mention it, that it could be like it never happened."

"So, you aren't gay?"

"No, I mean, I don't think so. I'm into people, I guess. My dads' always taught me that love is love."

"I'm sorry; I shouldn't have asked that, it doesn't matter. But you don't love Brittany?"

Rachel laughed, "No!"

"It's just Santana said that the bottle never landed on you two, but you kissed her anyway. She seemed to think you were pretty into it."

"It wasn't like that. It wasn't about her, I was really drunk, and my head was a mess. I was thinking about someone else."

"Please, don't tell me it's Santana?" Quinn laughed, but it sounded false, it came out sounding more like a sob.

Rachel grasped Quinn's hand. She needed to feel her touch; otherwise she would lose her courage. "Quinn...I" she looked up at the blonde; she had never felt more exposed. She wished she knew what the other girl was thinking. Her face gave nothing away, but she squeezed Rachel's hand, which she took to be a sign of encouragement. She hoped it was. "When I was kissing Brittany, I was thinking about-"

"It's only me, can you give me a hand here!" Quinn pulled away, as though Rachel's touch scolded her. She jumped up from her chair as her Aunt barged through the door, the baby in one arm and grocery bags in another. Quinn took Beth hurriedly, leaving Rachel and her Aunt alone in the kitchen with the groceries. "So are you just going to stand there, the ice-cream is melting."

Rachel shook herself. "Sorry."

"Did I interrupt something?"

"No, of course not." Rachel replied, busying herself by filling the fridge. That way she didn't have to meet anyone's eyes, nevertheless she was powerless to stop the way her hands trembled or her voice broke a little.

"You two seemed so serious, lost in conversation." Quinn's aunt mused, smiling to herself. "I don't know what you girls find to talk about. You see each other practically everyday."

"It was nothing." Quinn replied, her voice hard. Rachel turned, almost knocking over the remains of the groceries. She hadn't heard her come in.

"I should go." Rachel answered, willing herself not to cry when Quinn didn't beg her to stay


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best.**

**I hope you all enjoy the update **

2 words. _Rachel, wait. _That was all it would have taken.Instead, unspoken, the phrase reverberated noisily in Quinn's brain. The words taunted her, highlighting just how easily she could have changed all this. Quinn buried herself deeper under the blankets, trying to shut out the sounds. The daylight streamed in through the window, only adding to her woe. It served as a steadfast reminder that it had been exactly 12 hours since her world broke apart.

Rachel had opened herself up, always braver than the blonde dared; giving shape to the desires which she herself had been too terrified to voice. _What is wrong with me? _Quinn cursed her inaction, recalling how she had stood there frozen, watching Rachel leave, knowing that the girl had just given her everything, a chance to do exactly what she had longed to for months, but nevertheless powerless to move, to speak, to even breathe. She had been rehearsing the conversation every night, picturing how perfect it would be when she finally made Rachel hers, but faced with the prospect of all her innermost longings actually being realised, she had faltered, overwhelmed.

So instead, her total dismissal of the girl had been acute, and Rachel had visibly withered, shattering under the blonde's hooded stare. Quinn had never hated herself more than she did at that moment; lay in bed, she was haunted by Rachel's face, so utterly broken. She threw back the covers, her fists pounding the mattress over and over. It changed nothing. This was her fault, she had ruined everything.

"How can you still be asleep? Beth is screaming the place down; they can probably hear her in Lima heights!"

Quinn lifted her head, squinting as her Aunt drew back the curtains. She forced herself from the bed, feeling like the worst human being in the world. "Sorry." She croaked, her voice sounding foreign, like it belonged to someone else.

"Are you not feeling well?" her Aunt perched next to her on the edge of her bed, feeling her forehead and watching fretfully as Quinn attempted to soothe Beth. Quinn shrugged off the touch, she didn't deserve sympathy. "I'm fine."

"You don't fool me missy? What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She scooped up the baby and began to walk away. "Everything is just peachy okay?" She snarled, making sure the sarcasm was unmistakable.

"Fine." Her aunt raised her arms in mock surrender, taking the warning in the teenager's tone. "I give up; whatever is wrong is not my business but all I ask is that you don't take your problems out on Beth. She needs you. How long would you have left her like that if I hadn't come in? Did you even hear her crying?"

"Jesus! I said I was sorry!" Quinn felt her anger explode, "Seeing as you think I'm such a bad mother, why don't I just take me, my daughter and my problems elsewhere? Then we won't have to be such a burden on you, will we?"

"Quinn, don't be ridiculous, where are you going? I only meant that-"

Quinn slammed the door, cutting her off. _Everything I do is wrong. _She bundled Beth, and the few possessions she had hastily grabbed into the car. She had been driving absently for a few minutes before the realisation hit. _I have nowhere to go_. Instinctively she had begun to drive to Rachel's house and at the thought; the brunette's face flooded her vision once more, causing fresh tears. There was only one destination left to try.

"Quinn, what's wrong?"

"I'm sorry Puck, I had nowhere else to go, I've really messed up this time." Quinn allowed herself to collapse into his arms.

Mercifully, he allowed herself to compose herself before asking any questions. He shepherded her inside, taking the baby wordlessly and disappearing to make her a cup of sweet tea. Only once the cup was empty did the interrogation begin.

Quinn spoke hesitantly, revealing as few of the details as she could. She avoided mentioning Rachel entirely, but Puck was not as easy to fool as she had hoped.

"There is something you're not telling me. Your Aunt is cool; she would never get on your case for no reason."

Quinn sighed. "It was my fault, I was upset. I overreacted. You don't have to say anything, I already feel like an idiot."

"Listen, you two are more than welcome to stay here tonight, on one condition, you let me call your Aunt and tell her where you are."

"When did you get so sensible?"

Puck smiled, "I'm full of surprises babe."

_You're not the only one. _Quinn thought bitterly as she listened to him struggle to pacify her Aunt on the phone. It made her glad his mother was out working, she couldn't deal with another well-intentioned adult interfering in her life right now.

"Do you want me to call Rachel?" Puck asked later as they were lay on his couch watching TV. Neither of them could focus on the programme.

"No. Don't. I doubt she'll want to speak to me right now."

"What did you do?"

"I don't want to talk about it. It's none of your business okay?" Quinn snapped, feeling sorry instantly. Puck had been really supportive tonight and she was running out of allies. "I didn't mean it like that." She added quickly.

"You showed up at my house tonight, with my kid, looking like, well, to be honest, looking absolutely frantic. So, I'm making it my business from now on. Tell me what's wrong or I'll have to call Rachel and get it out of her. This is your chance to tell me your side first. You have until the count of five and then I'm dialling." He paused, clearly pleased that he could still push her buttons after all this time. "One...two..."

"Alright. Stop it." Quinn groaned, bracing herself for what was about to happen. "I love her okay? Are you happy now?"

Puck stopped grinning. He was clearly blown away by the revelation. "What?"

"I'm in love with Rachel and I think feels the same. She was trying to tell me, but my aunt came home early. I freaked out and now I've messed everything up. I think I've lost her"

"You're kidding? I knew you guys were close but I never thought that this would happen. I can't believe it, so what are you gay now?"

Quinn ignored the gleam in his eye. "It's just her; I've never felt like this before, not about anyone. What's wrong with me Puck? She as good as told me she wanted to be with me and I just pushed her away."

"You don't know how to be happy Quinn. You feel like you don't deserve it, so you run. It was the same with us. We could've been really good together, but you couldn't handle that. So, you shut me out. You pretended not to care. That's why you chose Finn; it was easier, you didn't have to feel."

_Wow. _Quinn hadn't realised that Puck was so perceptive. It was true; she had learnt to keep her distance from people she cared about. It had seemed simpler at first, but now she wasn't so sure.

"Don't do this to yourself again. If you love Rachel, you should tell her. Otherwise, if you let her get away, you'll always regret it. Trust me."

She grabbed Puck, hugging him tightly. "You're a big softy really aren't you?" She grinned, expecting to see a blush rising on his cheeks.

He looked her straight in the eye, unwavering. "Like I said, I'm full of surprises. Now go. Before you talk yourself out of it."

"Thanks Noah." She whispered, hoping she hadn't lost her chance forever.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did. **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best.**

**Thanks for all the kind words, your reviews mean a lot. Here is a shamefully fluffy chapter; I hope you all enjoy it.**

Despite Puck's warning earlier and the relatively short distance that she had to travel, Quinn struggled to maintain her resolve. She was unravelling with every step, the misgivings that plagued her threatening to extinguish the fragile embers of a want that she had long carried, flickering in her gut. This hope was buried deep, but it remained and with it was the belief that all was not lost, not yet. That thought spurred her on and Quinn allowed herself to indulge, just for a moment in those hidden desires, imagining what might happen if Rachel forgave her, what it could mean if Rachel loved her back.

_I should have driven. _Quinn cursed. She was suddenly desperate to reach Rachel, aware that if she didn't act now, there was the possibility that the doubts might win. The idea that she could never tell the brunette how she felt, at once began to trouble her more than anything, the prospect more terrifying than whatever else she might face. The looks, the judgements, those things would either make themselves right in time or they wouldn't. Right now Quinn didn't care; she had been cast out before. There were things that she could stand to lose, Rachel, it turned out, wasn't one of them. It had taken her this long to figure that out. _It's not too late _Quinn repeated to herself over and over. Even so, she began to run.

Breathless, she stood at the door to the Berry house, feeling like a stranger. Undeterred by the countless emotions flooding her body, she knocked. For once her hands didn't shake. For better or worse, she wasn't hiding anymore.

"Quinn, what can we do for you?"

She looked at both of Rachel's dads' in the doorway, trying to assess how much Rachel had divulged about the last time they spoke. She decided that if either man bore her any animosity on Rachel's behalf, they weren't showing it.

"I need to see Rachel." Quinn tried to sound casual, fighting the urge to barge her way into the house.

"She's in her room, but we are under strict orders not to let anyone in. She was very specific."

"She said that, Rachel said that she didn't want to see me." Quinn tried to keep her voice light, inside she was aching. _It can't be too late._

"Not in so many words. She said that she didn't want to be disturbed under any circumstances."

"Couldn't you make an exception? I'm sure she would want to see me, I'm her best friend." Quinn was amazed how easily the lie tumbled out, a timely reminder of her old persona.

"Come on in." Rachel's dad eyed her critically, no doubt recalling their conversation in the kitchen. "I wondered when you would show up." He whispered when safely out of earshot of his clueless husband. "Finally ready to take that risk?"

Quinn smiled in response, her mind now entirely focused on the next hurdle, gaining entry to Rachel's room. Her mind touched briefly on his question, as she climbed the stairs, and she found herself wondering how long he had known. _Maybe before all of us. _

She tapped on the door gingerly, she had always waltzed in unfazed before, but this time she felt as though she had to announce herself. It felt awkward, she cleared her throat, unsure how to verbalise all the pent up emotions inside.

"Rachel it's me. Let me in."

"I don't want to talk to you. Please leave Quinn."

"Please, there are things I need to say, and I would rather tell them to you than to your bedroom door. Just hear me out okay, I'm sorry."

Quinn was about to start pleading when she heard Rachel's light footsteps and the clearly identifiable click of the lock. The brunette gripped the wood, preventing the door from opening more than a little. The contours cast shadows over her face, making her expression impossible to determine.

"Just let me say what I came here to say, and then if you still want me to go, I will." Quinn stated resolutely, bracing herself for any negative reaction.

Instead, Rachel simply moved aside, allowing her in. She closed the door and returned to her previous position on the bed, waiting.

Quinn sat down beside her, as close as she dared. "I shouldn't have reacted like that the other day. You were trying to tell me how you felt, I should have listened, but you have to understand Rachel, my aunt coming home like that, it scared me. I started thinking about my parents, what they would say, for a moment; it was like I was back in that house and my dad was stood there in the doorway. I closed up, it wasn't fair on you. I'm so sorry."

"Your Aunt isn't like your parents Quinn, she wouldn't disown you. She loves you."

"My parents were supposed to love me too." Quinn reminded her softly. "You have no idea how lucky you are, having your dads'. They'd adore you no matter what."

Rachel wrapped her arms around Quinn. Despite projecting an outward image of not needing anyone, within, it was apparent that her parents' actions still affected her greatly.

"You don't have to be what they want you to be anymore. It's a good thing, it may not always feel like that, but, at least now you know that whatever happens from now on, you can just be yourself."

"I know. I wasn't ready to be that person, but now I think I am, that I can be. I don't want to lose you Rachel, you are so important to me, you don't even know how much. Meeting you again that day, becoming your friend, it saved me."

Rachel held her tighter. "I'm prepared to listen now." Quinn whispered. "If you still want me too, that is."

Rachel took a deep breath before beginning. "What I was trying to tell you yesterday is that I really like you Quinn. It was you that I wanted to kiss at the party; it might have always been you. I don't know. All I know for sure is that lately I can't stop thinking about you."

"Quinn smiled. "I really like you too." She blushed, burying her head in Rachel's shoulder. It sounded juvenile. Not what she wanted to say at all. It wasn't enough. "Rachel...I..." Quinn fought to find the right words. There was so much she wanted to say.

Rachel lifted Quinn's head, their eyes met. "It's okay."

That was all Quinn needed to hear. She lifted her hands to Rachel's face, unafraid now. She began lightly caressing the other girl's cheek. She let her fingers trail down lazily, brushing the brunette's neck. Rachel gasped and her eyes darkened, burning bright with desire. No-one had ever looked at her so hungrily before, Quinn felt the girl's pulse quicken under her fingertips. As her lips made contact with skin, she felt as though her whole body was on fire. It had never been like this before.

She finally brought her lips to Rachel's unable to wait anymore. _Fireworks. _The image occurred to her momentarily before the brunette thrust her tongue inside, blocking out all remaining thoughts. Quinn moved with the rhythm, ignoring her brain, simply enjoying the way their mouths fit so perfectly together.

"Wow." Quinn panted when she finally broke the kiss. "That was...I was not expecting that."

Rachel grinned, struggling to get her breath back. She collapsed onto the bed, her body still entwined with Quinn's. Quinn rested her head on Rachel's stomach, listening to her chest rise and fall.

"Did anyone ever tell you that you're an amazing kisser?" Quinn asked after a while, sitting up. Rachel hadn't kissed like she expected, she imagined that the girl would be soft and tentative. It had been nothing like that.

"I could say the same to you."

"Well, I've had a lot of experience." When Rachel frowned she continued quickly, anxious to explain. "Not like _that._ Girls used to practise on each other all the time at Cheerleading camp."

"Oh really?" Rachel smirked.

"Oh my god, I can't believe I just told you that." Quinn cringed.

"Oh, come on; don't go all shy on me now. I want to hear all about it." Rachel laughed, relishing the other girl's embarrassment.

"You sound like Santana." Quinn giggled. "Anyway, if I told you anymore, I'd have to kill you. What happens at Cheerleading camp stays at Cheerleading camp."

"Seriously? Well, in that case, I insist that you buy my silence immediately."

Quinn pulled the brunette, smiling, into another kiss. "Happy now?"

"I've never felt better." Rachel replied, she was teasing, but Quinn could sense the truth behind the words.

She felt it too. _Everything is going to be alright. _For the first time in her life, Quinn truly believed it. She had never really understood how people could be so blindly optimistic, but with Rachel at her side it seemed like she could deal with anything.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did. **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best.**

**Another happy, fluff-filled chapter, savour it while you can, more angst this way comes.**

Quinn woke up with a jolt, scared that the last few days had been a dream and that in fact she was still at the mercy of that inner tug of war between fear and longing. Every morning she had to pinch herself, unable to believe that she and Rachel were actually a couple. Smiling, she recalled how Rachel had shyly asked her to accompany her out to dinner tonight. She remembered the bashful, sweet grin that had illuminated her face when Quinn had, after some playful teasing, agreed.

"Mommy has a date tonight." Quinn squealed excitedly into Beth's crib, happy to share her joy with someone. She hadn't told her Aunt yet. She had scarcely seen her; Quinn didn't think it was a coincidence that she had decided to go out of town for a few days immediately after their row. Quinn didn't blame her for wanting some space. She still felt awful about what she had said and the way she acted, storming out like that. Quinn was adamant that as soon as her Aunt came back she would make it up to her.

"Come on then angel, we have a busy day ahead of us if we're going to get everything done before tonight."

Quinn had been neglecting both her chores and schoolwork lately and she wanted them off her mind so that there were no distractions. It occurred to her that she had hardly been home for longer than it took to grab some things or change her clothes in days, preferring to stay at in the happy cocoon of Rachel's house. Rachel's dads' had accepted the increased presence of her and the baby readily, glad that their daughter was no longer moping.

The morning flew by in a frantic haze but by early afternoon the house and basement were both tidy and Quinn had made a valiant attempt to decrease the large pile of homework that was cluttering her desk. Now she just had time to bathe Beth before dropping her at Puck's and rushing back to get ready. Singing all the while, she watched fondly as the baby girl played in the bubbles. Quinn's heart swelled, she hadn't realised it was possible to be this content. For the first time since she had given birth, Quinn felt like she was doing more than just living day to day. It was nice to have something to treasure besides her daughter, someone whose face made the day brighter, and something to look forward to most of all.

The clock in the hallway chimed, reminding her that she had a schedule to keep. She scooped the baby out of the tub, remembering the time that she had come home from the store to find Rachel doing exactly this. It amazed her how far they had come.

"You're going to be a good girl for daddy right sweetheart?" Quinn asked in sing-song tones as she dressed the baby. She didn't want Puck calling her in a panic, not tonight. She decided to text him that she was on her way, she was taking no chances, she couldn't afford to be hanging around, she wanted to look her best for Rachel and that meant preparation.

Moments after she hit send, her phone began to ring. It was Puck. Quinn's heart sank.

"Hey it's me. Listen, I know it's your and Rachel's big night tonight and I hate to do this to you, but something has come up. I can't take Beth tonight."

"Puck, you promised! My Aunt is still away, there is no-one else to watch her."

"I know and I wouldn't normally cancel on you like this but my Grandma is in the hospital. She's really sick. I have to go."

"I'm so sorry Noah, are you okay?" Quinn felt like the most selfish human being on the planet. Puck had been good to her lately, helping with Beth and being really supportive of the whole Rachel situation; she should have known he wouldn't bail on her without a good reason. "Do you want me to come over?"

"No, it's fine, there is nothing you could do here anyway and the hospital wouldn't let Beth visit, so you're best to stay where you are. I'll call you if there is any news. I am sorry though, you know about ruining your date."

"Don't even worry about it. I'm here if you need me."

"Thanks Q. Kiss Beth for me."

_I guess that's it then. _Quinn wasn't looking forward to ringing Rachel and cancelling, she knew that the brunette was as excited about the prospect of their first real date as she had been. _At least I don't have to see the look on her face when I tell her; she's probably gone into overdrive planning this. _

Quinn rang Rachel's cell immediately, it went straight to answer phone. _She's most likely started getting ready _Quinn thought, imagining the girl trying on and discarding a million different outfits.

"Hi Rach, it's me. It's about tonight; I'm so sorry but I'm going to have to cancel. Puck's Grandma is sick and he can't look after Beth tonight as planned. It looks like I'm stuck on babysitting duty so call me when you get this and we can re-arrange. Okay, bye."

She had been tempted to add an _"I love you,"_ but she couldn't bring herself to say it to Rachel's machine. It was too personal. She hadn't even told Rachel yet, although she was pretty sure the girl knew. _It's too soon. _She told herself over and over. _You can't be in love with someone after 3 days._

Quinn decided to rent some movies, maybe she could invite Rachel over and still salvage some of the night_._ Regardless, the car journey would, if nothing else, help to get the baby off to sleep.

Quinn arrived home in record time, in her present frame of mind she was more than happy to be spoon-fed an endless diet of romantic comedies, so she had picked 4 of the slushiest she could find and raced back, wanting to call Rachel again. _That's weird. _All the downstairs lights were on in the main house, glaring at her as she walked up the driveway. Her first thought was that maybe her Aunt had come home early, but she would have called. Clutching Beth more tightly to her chest she looked around for something she could use as a potential weapon. Her eyes settled on a rather large lawn ornament, grasping it firmly she made her way inside.

"Hello?" She called, not wanting to give her Aunt a heart attack, if she was indeed home unannounced.

"Surprise!"

"Rachel? I could have killed you! I thought you were a burglar." Quinn dropped the statue and rushed to hug her girlfriend.

"Sorry, I just thought that since you can't come to the restaurant, I'd make the restaurant come to you. I used the spare key; I didn't mean to scare you."

"You did all this while I was out?" Quinn surveyed the brunette's handiwork, eyeing the table laden with her favourite foods. "You are amazing, do you know that?" She pulled Rachel into a gentle kiss, mindful not to crush the baby on her hip.

"I thought when you didn't call me back..."

Rachel smiled, "This is better anyway, now I get you all to myself."

After they had gorged on the food, they had intended to settle down a watch a movie, but Quinn couldn't focus on the screen. Rachel's head was nestled in her lap, and she played with the girl's hair absently.

"I'm going to tell my Aunt about us, she gets back on Monday, I'll tell her after school." Quinn blurted out anxiously. She had been thinking of little else for the past hour.

"Are you sure?" Rachel asked, biting her lip nervously. "You don't have to."

"Yes I do, I've wasted enough time. I'm so happy right now; I just want to tell everyone, I'd shout it from the rooftops if I could. I...I love you Rachel." The last four words tumbled out before she could stop them and it was too late to take them back.

Quinn watched the other girl nervously, looking for any sign that she might want to run. "You don't have to say anything, I know it's too soon, I..."

Rachel put her finger to Quinn's lips, silencing her. "I love you too."A single tear rolled down the brunette's cheek as she spoke and Quinn kissed it away tenderly.

"Stay here tonight."

Rachel smiled. "Of course I will."

"No, I mean really _stay._" Quinn whispered, her voice husky. Without another word she took Rachel's hand and led her to the bedroom.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did. **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best.**

**(Beautifully broken pink-haired Quinn makes me want to write a million fanfics while sobbing my heart out). In honour of that, here's the longest chapter so far. I hope you like it.**

As predicted, Quinn's Aunt was already home when she got back from school. She found her throwing her clothes from her suitcase straight into the washing machine.

"You should really sort those into loads." Quinn remarked.

"What no welcome home?" Quinn's aunt jutted out her bottom lip sulkily, teasing Quinn.

"Sorry." Quinn pulled her Aunt into an awkward hug. "I know you only just got home and everything and this probably isn't the best time but can we talk."

"Sure, as long as I can get a hug from my favourite little girl." She scooped Beth onto her lap, making herself comfortable at the table. "Okay, shoot."

"Firstly, I want to say sorry for how I acted before you went away, I shouldn't have said what I did and I definitely shouldn't have stormed out. It was immature. I was going through some stuff but that's no excuse, I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"You aren't pregnant again are you?"

Quinn burst out laughing at the absurdity of the question. "No! It's nothing like that."

"Thank God. So what's wrong honey, the other day, I almost didn't recognise you."

"I haven't been myself lately, but that's what I'm trying to tell you, nothing's wrong anymore. Actually, everything is going right for once. You know the other day when you came home and found me and Rachel talking, and you asked if you had interrupted anything, well I lied. You did."

"I don't understand, what are you trying to say?"

"Rachel and I are together. Everything is still so new but I've never been happier. "

It was such a relief that the words were out. Besides Rachel, Quinn hadn't told anyone except Puck. It made her happy to think that the words became easier to say each time; she no longer stumbled over them.

"You're kidding right? This is a joke."

Quinn set her jaw hard, no longer smiling. "I've never been more serious. I thought you'd be okay about this, that you'd understand."

"Understand? What is there to understand? You're not gay. Did you honestly expect me to be happy for you? This isn't really the life you want for yourself or Beth, how can it be? Whatever this is, this _infatuation_ with Rachel, I'm sure once you've had some time apart, to consider things more rationally, you'll see that-"

"See what? That I was wrong? That it's all just a phase? Can you even hear yourself? I'm trying to tell you that I'm happy, for the first time since I don't know when..."

"Don't get me wrong, I like Rachel, but this was bound to happen with that lifestyle of hers. I just think that it could be confusing for you to be around her right now, I should have said something before, I shouldn't have let it go this far."

"Don't." Quinn snarled. "I thought you were different but you sound just like_ her_."

"Well, maybe this time my sister is right."

The words stung more than if she had been slapped. "Is that really what you think?"

"I have no idea what to think, I come home, and you drop this bombshell on me. Are you trying to punish your parents is that it? Sweetie, this isn't the way to get their attention."

"This has nothing to do with them. This is about me. If you really can't support that then, I guess we are done here."

"I can't condone this. Don't ask me too. It's not right. If this is the decision you're making then I-"

"Decision? What decision? I fell in love!"

Quinn couldn't believe her Aunt was acting like this. She snatched her daughter and moved away, almost recoiling at the contact. She didn't trust herself to speak, instead biting down on the inside of her cheek, hard enough to break the skin. The pain was the diversion she needed; verbally abusing her Aunt wouldn't change anything. That may have been what the old Quinn would have done but that Quinn had made enough mistakes. For this Quinn, the safest option was to walk away.

"I'll be back for my stuff later." With that, she was gone. Her Aunt didn't look up from the table and for that at least, Quinn was grateful.

She tried Rachel's cell as soon as she reached her car, pressing the buttons with quivering fingers. No answer. Quinn had expected Rachel to be on standby, eagerly awaiting news. _Let me know if the coast is clear _she had told Quinn. She knew Rachel wouldn't be home yet, it was too early, why was her phone switched off.Quinn couldn't believe it had taken her so long to remember, Rachel would be at Glee rehearsals like always. _My head is a mess._

Quinn drove as fast as the after school traffic would allow. She raced into the building, not taking the time to absorb the familiar surroundings. Normally, she would have felt nostalgic, retracing her steps to the choir room, but all she could think about was having Rachel wrap her arms around her and tell her that everything would be alright. The door hit the wall, booming like a gunshot. Quinn burst through, unmindful of the interruption or the fact that every pair of eyes in the room now burned into her.

"Quinn?" Puck rushed over, clearly panicked. "Is it Beth? Is she okay?"

"She's fine." Quinn managed to wheeze. Every breath was an effort and her chest burned. _Where's Rachel? _Her eyes darted round the room, frantically searching. "Can you take her for a minute, I feel..." Puck seized the baby just in time, his outstretched arms able to cushion Quinn as she keeled over onto the floor.

"Quinn? Can you hear me? Its Mr Schue, Everything is alright, I'm just going to sit you up now. Can you tell me what's wrong?"

She couldn't answer; her heart was racing, fighting in her chest. "We should call an ambulance." That sounded like's Puck's voice, but she couldn't be sure.

"No!" Quinn spluttered. "I don't need to go to the hospital, I need Rachel, where is she?"

"I'm here Quinn." Rachel's voice sounded small and scared, but she pushed her way through the group and knelt onto the floor to hold Quinn tightly nevertheless. "I'm right here."

Mr Schue seized control of the situation immediately, his voice calm. "Quinn, I need to you to try and relax okay. Can you take some deep breaths for me? I think you are having a panic attack."

Quinn did as she was told, squeezing the brunette's hand with each laboured intake of air. _I'm dying._ She curled herself inward, making herself as small as possible. It wasn't enough, she didn't feel safe, she needed Rachel closer, desperate for the continual reassurance of her touch. The brunette pulled Quinn towards her, their bodies entwined so that the blonde was almost cradled in her lap. Rachel pressed Quinn's trembling body against hers, shielding her. "I've got you, you're safe, I'm here." She whispered over and over, rocking her as they rode out the whirlwind.

When she began to feel more like herself again, Quinn released her grip slightly. The brunette stopped stroking her hair and stared intently; her eyes full of a million questions.

Quinn wanted to tell her, she tried to clear her throat; her breathing still painfully fast. All that escaped was a small whimper. Rachel waited, smiling encouragingly. _Take your time _that expression said.

"I don't know if I can do this again, it's too much." Quinn managed to say, her voice little more than a croak.

"Do what Quinn? I don't understand?

"Start over." She sighed, her gaze fixed on Beth. The other members of the Glee Club watched her every move, hanging on every word. Every so often, they exchanged perplexed glances and hushed conversation. She let her eyes skip over them, as though they weren't there. Their adolescent gossip-mongering was insignificant.

"What do you mean?"Quinn turned back to Rachel, but she didn't bother to respond. What did it matter, how could she even begin to explain. She had been abandoned again, made homeless for the second time in months.

"What's wrong with me? I tried so hard to be better. It's all pointless; I'm still a bad daughter, a terrible niece, I'm a horrible person Rachel..."

"That's not true Quinn. How far you've come, that's something. I've seen the way you are with Beth. You are a good person."

"What I am I going to do?"

"We'll figure this out together okay. Everything will be just fine." Their faces were just inches apart, and Quinn could sense that every fibre of Rachel's being was resolute. She meant it. Her eyes spoke, _trust me _they said_ whatever happened, you can tell me._ The most important words of all, _I love you, _ricocheted between them, unspoken but acknowledged nonetheless.

Puck finally broke the pleasant silence that had settled between the girls. He hunkered down beside Quinn and despite the situation; he couldn't help but smile as he saw how her head rested comfortably on Rachel's shoulder. They were intimate with each other in a way that he had thought Quinn incapable. It was so effortless. They gave no thought to the scrutiny they were under; they simply wanted to be in each other's arms. He envied them.

"Since it looks like nobody else is going to ask, I will. What's the deal Q? You scared us all half to death."

Quinn watched as Rachel stared daggers at him, secretly though, even as she put a protective arm around her girlfriend's waist, Quinn knew she was dying to know. She would never ask, afraid to push the other girl too hard, but her eyes betrayed her avid curiosity.

"My Aunt kicked me out, so I'm back at square one. I have nowhere to go." Quinn's voice sounded flat and disconnected. That worried her more than anything, the numbness that had crept over her.

Puck's startled expression was mirrored on the faces of everyone in the room. In spite of this, he tried his best to set her mind at rest. "I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding, like the other day. It's cool, just give her some time to calm down, you'll see."

Quinn shook her head. "Not this time."

Rachel frowned. "This is because of me isn't it?" Quinn observed the countless feelings that flickered over the other girls features. "You told her, didn't you?"

"If it's anyone's fault, it is mine. Don't blame yourself; I should have known how she was going to react. I caused this, I shouldn't have said anything. Maybe if I had waited, I was stupid to think..." Quinn sighed, the weight of her sadness crushing her again. "I just didn't want any more secrets."

Rachel lapsed into silence, chewing her bottom lip anxiously. Quinn could almost see her mind working, trying to figure out their next move. "Live with me." She said at last, "You and Beth can come and stay with me and my dads'. We have plenty of room. It'll be great." Rachel grinned triumphantly.

"Do you really want me to stay or are you just saying this because I look so pathetic right now?" Quinn didn't want to be a burden on anyone, least of all Rachel. She was the only thing, besides Beth, that was stopping her from giving in.

"I'm saying this because I love you. You're my girlfriend and whatever problems you have, they are mine now too. I want to help you Quinn. Let me."

Quinn couldn't convey how much she adored Rachel in that moment. So she did the only thing she could think to do. The kiss was more intense than she had even considered possible, as she pressed her mouth against Rachel's over and over, everything and everyone else faded away. _I love you so much _the words escaped with every snatched lungful of air, again and again, half swallowed by Rachel's fervent mouth.

When they broke apart, Quinn ran up the stairs, retrieving Beth. The familiar weight of the child in her arms settled on her chest, making her feel ordinary again. It was comforting. She mouthed a quick thank you to Puck as she passed, promising herself that she would talk to him properly later.

"You're sure?" Quinn whispered softly when she approached her girlfriend again. "This is your last chance to back out before you're stuck with us."

Rachel grinned, practically bouncing on the balls of her feet as they walked out into the corridor. "I wouldn't have it any other way."


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best.**

**Another chapter told in Rachel's POV. Sorry everyone, I promised some of you a happy chapter but this wrote itself instead. It has a happy end though so I hope you still like it **

"Are you awake?" She was. She always was.

Rachel had watched Quinn roll her eyes when her dads' had insisted that Quinn had her own room. She had done it too, but she couldn't have predicted how soon Quinn would thrust aside that rule, sneaking into her bed only hours later. They had slept, tangled up in each other, long after the sun began breaking through the windows. It had been the most restful night's sleep that Rachel could remember. All the same, she certainly hadn't expected Quinn's visit to become a ritual, but now she found herself listening eagerly each night for the sound of the other girl's lightly tiptoeing footsteps.

She hesitated to admit to anyone, even herself that this had become as big a part of her bedtime routine as her vocal exercises or brushing her teeth, but it was undeniable. She often pondered if now being unable to sleep without Quinn beside her was a habit she should break, but she dismissed the thought. _Not all habits are bad._

Rachel drew back the covers, her eyes answering the question her mouth couldn't. They had to be quiet. Not that silence was a problem for Quinn; she had largely spoken in monosyllables since she had moved in. Rachel understood. Quinn was protecting herself. She tried not to worry, but every time Quinn descended into silence, she felt her chest constrict, aimless, until the blonde came to life again.

_It's fine_. She told herself trying not to notice the way Quinn's shoulders slumped when she thought Rachel couldn't see. Sometimes she lingered in the doorway, observing Quinn in her private moments. It seemed as though sorrow radiated from every inch of her. _What can I do? _Rachel asked herself hopelessly.

Without an answer, she had tried to fill the void. Smiling, laughing and talking enough for the both of them. Always chatting, in fact from the moment she had arrived home with Quinn and the baby in tow, it seemed like she hadn't stopped. She had started by telling her dads' that Quinn and Beth needed a safe place to stay. Seemly undaunted by the chaos on their doorstep, they wore identical grins and rejoiced in the prospect of a full house, blissfully acting as though this scenario was commonplace at the Berry house. Only once the guests were comfortable did their curiosity raise its head. _Later _Rachel's eyes pleaded. She could tell that Quinn was exhausted and she was in no mood to relive the day's events yet either.

She didn't want the girl to withdraw further, so Rachel was careful not to discuss anything with her dads' when she was around. To say Quinn didn't want to talk about it was an understatement. Luckily, they were happy to piece together the details over the next few days, pouring over them in the snatched, fleeting moments that they were alone with Rachel.

Rachel was jolted back to the present by the sound of Quinn's muffled cries. She reached out her hand. It had been almost a week and Quinn was still not herself.

"You don't regret this do you?" She had to know.

Quinn sniffed. Her eyes were bright with unshed tears. "Never."

"It's just; this isn't like I thought it would be." The words hung in the air, Rachel immediately wished she hadn't said them. Rachel saw the unspoken challenge in Quinn's eyes. _Are you going to leave me too?_

Rachel didn't back away from the force of the stare, as she previously might. Nothing Quinn could do would scare her away, not now. She tried to explain, anxious to get the other girl talking.

"I hoped things would be okay once you moved in, like before. I thought I could make you happy, but we can't do that until you deal with this. I know you don't want to talk about it but we have to, whatever your Aunt said, it's like she's broken you. You told me once that I'd saved you, but wherever you are now, I can't reach you. I want to, but you've got to let me in."

The words exploded from Quinn, Rachel knew that she had been fighting to keep them in for days. "I'm trying Rachel, it may not seem like it, but I am. It just hurts so much. Don't you see? I taken in by it all, I promised after my parents' that I wouldn't let anyone hurt me like that again, but I did. All I wanted was a family that loves me. Do you have any idea how it feels to know that a family's love isn't unconditional? That I don't _deserve _it? How am I supposed to deal with that?"

"Oh Quinn, none of this is your fault. It's their loss. You are the most amazing person I have ever met, if they can't see that, they aren't worthy of your love. You've got me and you'll always have Beth. That's a real family. We love you for who you are."

"Thank you for not giving up on me." It was barely a murmur; it could have been mistaken for the rustling of the sheets. Rachel knew better.

"I love you Quinn. There is nothing that will change that. I just feel so helpless. I don't know what you want me to do."

"You are already doing it, being here like this, letting me stay. I should have told you these things sooner; I'm just so used to dealing with everything by myself. It's hard for me. The truth is, I'm scared Rachel. I have to go back there. I can't keep wearing your clothes and Beth needs things too. I can't borrow from Puck forever."

"We can buy new stuff."

"With what money? I'm pretty sure I'm fired. I've been AWOL for a week. I can't hide here with you forever."

_Why not?_ What she actually said was "Okay, I'll come with you then." She hoped her voice didn't betray how terrified she was at the prospect. The image of Quinn on the floor of the choir room fighting for breath was still etched deep in her mind.

"No!" Quinn almost shouted, forgetting where they were, how late it was. "You can't be around her; I don't want her speaking to you."

"You can't go alone." She remembered how shaky the girl was for hours, days after the confrontation. "What if...?"

"I'll take Puck, just please. Promise me you'll stay here. Stay with Beth."

"Okay, I swear."

Rachel didn't want to talk anymore. She just wanted to feel something positive. Her tears had long since turned to anger, at their situation, the apparent fragility of their relationship. She drew Quinn towards her, kissing a trail through the drying tears on her cheek. _I can get her through this _she told herself for the umpteenth time.

She was overjoyed to feel the other girl respond to her touch. It was as though Quinn had awakened from a coma; Rachel's kisses transferring energy back into her. Seeing the depression lift, falling away from her girlfriend's face, to be replaced by love, a pure love that glowed stronger with every caress, Rachel was reminded what she had always known deep down. _This will only make us stronger._

As she listened to Quinn's hushed moans, the sound of her name of her lips, it occurred to Rachel that this was probably the most pleasing sound she had ever heard. It was like they were transported back to Quinn's room, back to that first time, before this all happened, on the night of the first date that never was.


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did. **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best.**

"Are you ready?" Quinn's whole body tensed involuntarily. "You don't have to go you know, I could just run in and grab some stuff."

"That's okay; if I leave it up to you I'll be wearing odd socks and bunny slippers to school. You boys have no idea about fashion." The joke eased the atmosphere a little, although the laughs, particularly Rachel's, were a little too shrill.

"I'll be back soon, and everything will be fine." She declared to Rachel, her concern for the girl forcing her to infuse the words with a confidence that she didn't feel. She slipped out the door after doling out kisses, a brief one on Rachel's lips and another on Beth's forehead. Quinn was still unable to resist a lingering backwards glance. Rachel mouthed _I love you_, no doubt hoping the words would give her extra courage. However, it made Quinn want to lock the door and stay inside forever. _They could buy all new things, couldn't they_? Rachel had suggested that very thing last night; they could abandon her old possessions in the room where she was no longer welcome.

_NO._ She needed to face up to the situation, it was necessary if they were going to move on. Quinn knew that her moving in hadn't exactly turned out like Rachel had hoped and more than anything she wanted to make her girlfriend happy. The first step was this, she had to put her demons to rest, tackle her fears and make herself feel worthy again.

"Quinn, you're back. Where's Beth?" the familiar voice startled her, the question was so ordinary. It was like it hadn't been a week at all, as if she had just arrived home from a trip to the shops.

"Do you really think I would bring her here?"

"Don't be like that Quinn. I miss her, and you, the house has been so quite since you left. I know you're upset with me, I approached everything the wrong way before but I've been doing lots of thinking and I want you to come back."

"What's the catch?" Quinn heard Puck mutter under his breath. She shooed him towards the bedroom, to start packing. She wanted to get out of here as fast as possible.

"Come home. Please. That house is no place for Beth to grow up. She needs her family."

"She has her family. She has me and Puck and-"

"Rachel? How long do you honestly think that is going to last. She may be content to play house now, but what happens when the novelty wears off and it's not fun anymore."

_It's hardly been a laugh a minute lately, _Quinn thought. She couldn't tell her Aunt that though, so she went into the bedroom to supervise the packing. Chaos greeted her as Puck haphazardly stuffed clothes and books into bags. Things he didn't consider worth taking littered the floor and Quinn began to sift through the items. She felt satisfied when she managed to rescue her favourite lipstick that had somehow gotten buried in an old shoe.

Her Aunt loitered in the doorway, watching. She seemed desperate to say her piece, no matter how much Quinn didn't want to hear it. "I've realised something. This thing with Rachel, I understand it now."

"You do?" Quinn kept her hands busy and eyes down, making sure her expression gave nothing away.

"Yes, listen to me. I know you are afraid that no man will want you, saddled with a baby and everything, but you are a beautiful girl Quinn, give it time and the boys will come around. You don't have to settle for second best, that's what I'm saying; you don't have to choose _this_."

"Are you for real?" Puck stormed out of the bedroom, overflowing garbage bags in hand. "Let's go Q." He tugged her hand roughly, pulling her away. She let him. There was nothing more to say.

"Quinn, wait! I called your Mom. She wants to see you."

Quinn stopped abruptly, nearly sending the boy at her side sprawling. "You did what?" She examined every inch of her Aunt's face, seeking out possible deceit. There wasn't even a flicker, she was telling the truth. "How dare you, you had no right!" She spat out the words furiously, tasting the bitterness on her tongue.

"I'm your legal guardian and I'm worried about you. I had every right."

"Worried? You kicked her out; she could be living on the streets for all you care!"

Quinn put her hand on the boy's shoulder. _That's enough,_ she signalled. Keeping her voice reasonable she replied. "Why don't you go and take the stuff to the car, I'll be out in a minute."

She saw him resist, waiting for the explosion. He had witnessed many such incidents at Mckinley back in the day. That Quinn was fierce, a force to be reckoned with. She knew that he glimpsed her now, hiding just beneath the calm facade, never far away. Quinn's temper refused to entirely relinquish its control despite all the other changes she had undergone and Puck was understandably apprehensive. He knew how much she was still a slave to her emotions.

"How could you?" Quinn snarled once they were alone.

"She is your mother; I thought she might like to hear about your latest stunt. She blamed herself of course, quite rightly. I told her she had driven you to this. Anyway, she wants to see you, I thought maybe she could talk some sense into you."

"Stop." The word dripped with malicious intent. It was only the thought of Beth, waiting for her at home that stopped her from striking her Aunt. The look on her face was so sanctimonious; her voice dripping with charm, as though she truly believed that everything she had done was beneficial and that she had the girl's best interests at heart. It was physically painful for Quinn to look and to see how badly she had misjudged her. She was standing in front of a stranger.

She staggered out of the door blindly, rage obscuring her vision. She almost fell when her foot skidded over a forgotten sweater. She trampled over it, not caring. She wanted to scream, but she wouldn't give her Aunt the satisfaction of hearing it. _She would probably try and say I'm unhinged. _Quinn had to laugh at that, she imagined the smug look passing between her mother and father at the news, how easily they could absolve themselves of any wrong doings. _She was mad, _they would lament._ She must be. Turned her back on her family, she's shacked up with a girl now, a lost cause. _Her mother would get to play the victim; she would lap it up, all the sympathetic looks at church.

The ride back, Quinn stared straight ahead. She didn't want to see the pity in Puck's eyes. She had glossed over the previous conversation with her Aunt when she had spoken to him, playing it down. He had seen everything now. He didn't try to talk to her, biding his time until she calmed down.

"Don't tell Rachel about my Mom." She whispered as they approached the Berry residence.

"I'm not sure if I'm cool with lying to her..."

"She doesn't need to know. You saw how on edge she was this morning; it will only make things worse. I just want to forget about this, focus on the future. There is no need to go back to that house now; this can be a new start for us, a chance to be happy."

"I guess you're right..."

"Promise me. Right now, before we go in. Please Noah." She knew calling him by his name would persuade him. She smiled for good measure.

"Okay, I swear."

Rachel met them on the driveway. Quinn shot Puck one last look and got out of the car. "Is that _everything?_" The brunette asked, scrutinising the number of bags. Quinn couldn't help but agree, 4 trash bags weren't much for her whole life to fit into.

"Not exactly, things got a little heated; I figured it was best if I got her out of there."

_Thanks Puck _Quinn shot him an angry look as Rachel bit her lip. "Let's just get the stuff inside." She responded.

Despite Rachel's concern that she didn't bring much back, they still had to struggle to find places to put it all. Quinn was glad when Beth's cries meant she could escape the unpacking, Rachel was better at it anyway. She never got frustrated, patiently filing things into drawers. Her head was filled with systems for folding clothes and colour coding school books. Quinn smiled, grateful for her girlfriend's anally-retentive tendencies as went across the hall. Even Rachel's dads' referred to it as Beth's room now. _It's all over now _she thought as she cuddled her daughter. _Things can only get better from here on._

"Look who came to help." She giggled as she nestled Beth in her lap, grinning at Rachel.

Rachel put down the pile of clothes she was folding. "Hey, I thought she'd be sick of me by now." She laughed as Beth tried to reach for her hair.

"I wasn't gone long." Quinn muttered, remembering her Aunt's words.

"I was kidding Quinn, it was fun."

"It's only that I wouldn't want to exploit you."

"What did your Aunt say?" Rachel could see right through her.

"She said that, you'd get sick of us, sick of Beth really. I guess it just got to me."

Rachel snorted. "I'm not some horny Jock looking to get in your pants Quinn. I've always known that you and Beth come as a package. Everything you have been through to keep her, being such a good mother, it's one of the reasons that I fell in love with you. You see, I don't love you in spite of Beth but partly because of her."

It never failed to surprise Quinn how a speech like that could take her breath away. Her heart swelled with adoration. _This is my girlfriend _she reminded herself, unable to fathom how she had gotten so fortunate. She looked down at the baby in her lap and across to the brunette. _I have everything I need._


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did. **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best.**

**Quite a long chapter, be warned there is some epic Finn bashing. I couldn't resist...**

"Come on, it's the weekend, what else are you gonna do? Stay in and watch the Wizard of Oz again?

"Well there is no place like home." Quinn sniggered. While a night out was just what she and Rachel needed, she was nervous about coming face to face with the Glee club. She had avoided them all since the incident in the choir room. "What about Beth?" Quinn deflected.

"I've already got that covered, my Mom is happy to watch her, on the condition that I promised not to come home drunk like last time." He winked. "What she doesn't know won't hurt her. Come on, Quinn, I swear I'll keep Rachel away from Spin the Bottle."

Quinn punched his arm good-naturedly. The other party seemed like a lifetime ago. She glanced at Rachel. "How do you fancy being my date to some lame party?"

Rachel grinned. "I'd love to."

"Great, I'll tell Mercedes that the guests of honour will be attending. He smirked. "Do you realise that people are saying you guys are the hottest couple to come out of Mckinley history since, well, you and me Quinn."

Quinn rolled her eyes. Rachel muttered something under her breath, it sounded like _you wish Noah._ Quinn let the comment about her relationship with Puck slide. She wasn't stupid, she knew the whole school was talking about her relationship with Rachel, the brunette had told her herself. What she doubted was that it was positive. Rachel had been exposed to the gossip that surrounded her and seen the new graffiti on the bathroom walls. Quinn was aware that Rachel was probably considering the exact same things.

"Let's give them something to really talk about." She had made her mind up that she wouldn't let anyone else's judgements wound her. They could think what they liked, this was for real.

They got ready all together. Puck generously provided some Dutch courage in the form of a bottle of Gin, and by the time they left for the party, Quinn could feel the alcohol doing its work. Clearly, Rachel wasn't immune to the effects either. In the taxi her hands roamed Quinn's body boldly, unconcerned with the presence of Puck in the front seat. He averted his eyes, after repeated warnings, but Quinn knew he was still sneaking a peek whenever her attention was diverted. She couldn't bring herself to feel embarrassed though, it felt incredible to be able to do this without fear of recriminations. _So what if he sees. _She thought to herself, _we are the hottest couple after all. _She got the giggles at the idea of this, unable to stop laughing.

"What's so funny?" Puck enquired. Quinn didn't answer. Rachel sidetracked her again, her earlobe in her mouth.

"Let's dance!" Rachel shrieked, once they were barely inside. Quinn grinned, letting the brunette lead her onto the makeshift dance floor. They danced passionately, ignorant of the people around them or what song was playing. Quinn twirled Rachel around and around, only stopping when the diva began to get dizzy. "Let's sit you down." Quinn replied affectionately. She felt rather unsteady herself. "Stay here, I'm just going to the bathroom, I'll be right back." Rachel nodded, her chest heaving with exertion.

When she came back from the bathroom, Quinn had recovered enough to remember that she should find Mercedes and thank her for the invite. The girl had been kind to her, and she didn't predict any confrontations. She glanced over at Rachel, checking she was okay. She smiled, as she noticed her laughing with Kurt. The two of them had gotten close lately and she knew he was a massive support to Rachel, proving to be one of her greatest allies. She was glad Rachel had someone to watch her back when she wasn't around; she remembered how lonely those school halls could be.

A quick sweep of the downstairs rooms proved fruitless. Unable to find the host, she moved into the kitchen to mix herself a fresh drink. Surveying the available bottles she settled on pouring herself a screwdriver. Her measures heavy handed, it was more vodka than orange juice. Quinn would never be a bartender. _Oh well, _she sighed,_ it'll do._ After a moment's deliberation, she fixed Rachel one too.

"Is that for me? You shouldn't have?" Santana reached out from behind Quinn and took the spare glass. The blonde spun around, unnerved. She relaxed a little when she noticed Santana was smiling, as was Brittany at her side. Quinn smirked, taken aback by the Latina girl's audacity.

Brittany spoke first. "It's good to see you Quinn."

Quinn returned the smile sincerely. She had no issues with the other blonde. She focused on Santana, waiting for the barrage of snide comments. They didn't come; instead the cheerleader sipped her drink, grimacing slightly at the taste. Santana leaned forward, causing Quinn to back away involuntarily. She hit the back of the counter, blocking further retreat. The girl's face was only inches for her own. "Families suck." She whispered. There was vulnerability in her eyes.

Quinn exhaled. "Yeah." She muttered, taking a drink. Her eyes didn't move from Santana's. She recognised the sadness in them, it was heartfelt. They exchanged a look of mutual understanding. She slipped her arm around her old friend's shoulders, signalling that the unspoken apology was accepted. "Come on, I love this song." Santana smiled in agreement, taking Brittany's hand.

The three of them ran towards the dance floor together and it was immediately like old times. Quinn often struggled to remember a life before all this, laughing and moving to the music with Brittany and Santana she was able to recollect vividly how happy and uncomplicated things had been. It was a nice feeling. A loud bang disrupted her reminiscing, the music cut out abruptly, and all eyes swivelled towards the sound.

_Finn. _The boy had stumbled into the party, knocking over a speaker. Quinn watched him, clearly drunk, taking a swig out of a brown paper bag. Her stomach twisted, she had a bad feeling about this.

"Everybody having a good time?" he slurred, oblivious to the commotion he was causing. "Who turned off the music, this is a party right?"

Quinn looked away. Not quick enough, he caught her eye and homed in on her.

"Quinn, long time no see!" The stench of whisky assaulted her nostrils as he approached. Rachel had mentioned that he had gone off the rails a, rarely turning up to Glee practice and abandoning football all together. That explained why he hadn't been at Glee club the day she went looking for Rachel. When the brunette had told her it had sounded bad, but she never expected this. He looked a mess.

"Finn I..." She tried, it seemed like everyone was waiting, holding their breath.

"What are you doing here? Did you come with her? It's all over school, the talk of the locker room. The things they've been saying..." He rambled, taking a long pull on the bottle.

Quinn walked towards him, feeling Brittany and Santana move in step with her, flanking either side. Her hand moved to take the bottle. "I think you've had enough."

He weaved drunkenly; the bottle fell from his grasp and smashed onto the floor. "Great." He muttered. "You ruin everything." He dived momentarily, bending as if to pick up the scattered glass, seemingly meaning to piece it back together. He straightened up, reconsidering. "Why did you have to pick her? First my best friend and now my ex-girlfriend. Why? Must you take everything from me?"

Quinn attempted to reason with him. "You and Rachel were never together. You told me yourself that you never wanted her so, do me a favour and don't play the victim about this. As for Puck, I've tried to tell you how sorry I am, I mean it, but I can't take it back."

"No you're not! Don't act like you love Rachel either, you can't, you're heartless." He snapped. "You are just trying to humiliate me."

"I think you are doing a perfectly good job of that on your own." Quinn muttered. "Go home Finn, you're drunk."

"Taking the moral high ground, that's rich. You are nothing but a filthy slut. She's welcome to you. Nobody else wants you, either of you." Even as drunk as he was, he knew how hard to hit, the full impact of his words. He smiled grimly, pleased with himself.

She lunged at him, raining down the blows, not caring that they lay amongst the shards of glass or that the floor was filthy. Santana dragged her off, kicking and screaming. She wanted to kill him. He dusted himself off, getting himself upright with some difficulty. He wiped the blood off his face, where her nails had caught him. If he was hurt he didn't show it, he was laughing, triumphant.

"I think you should go now Finn." Puck had jostled his way through the crowd of onlookers, glowering at his former best friend. He grabbed his elbow, attempting to forcibly eject him from the house.

Finn was unabashed. He shrugged off Puck's arm. "I suppose we can at least be glad that she can't get you knocked up. One bastard child is more than enough for one year isn't it Quinn."

Quinn made to attack him again, flailing as Santana's arms held her tight. Before she could struggle free, Puck hit out. The punch connected with Finn's jaw and the impact knocked the other boy off his already unsteady feet.

"Get out." Puck hissed.

Santana didn't let Quinn go until Finn was long gone; Kurt had agreed to take him home. Once he was safely bundled into a car, everyone relaxed. The music started up again and Rachel stepped out, shell-shocked. The blonde was faring no better, shuddering with rage and residual adrenaline. Ignoring Rachel and everyone else for the moment, she hugged Puck, his body similarly tensed.

"Thank you." She was grateful to the boy for defending her but she hoped he wouldn't get in trouble for this. She didn't want him to get arrested again and she wouldn't put it past Finn to do something petty in order to get back at them all.Breaking the embrace, she sought out Rachel finally.

She was standing alone, her eyebrows drawn together in a frown. No doubt trying to figure out what the hell happened.

"I'm sorry. I let my temper get the better of me." Quinn stammered quietly. She couldn't stand the thought that she might have disappointed her girlfriend.

Rachel shook her head. "What he said to you, it was disgusting. He deserved it. If anything I'm proud of you for keeping calm for so long."

"Really?" She had been expecting a row from the brunette, her dislike for violence was well-known and she was the biggest advocate for Quinn to control her frustrations.

"Let's go home." Rachel replied.

"Good party." She said, more to herself than Rachel as they were leaving. The other girl looked at her as though she had gone crazy.

Quinn shrugged it off. Even though tonight hadn't exactly turned out the way she had planned, she was shrewd enough to know that it could have easily been disastrous. Without the support of Puck, who continued to prove his worth, and even Santana, who had her back, she would have gotten into serious trouble.

_Who'd have thought it?_ She mused. Months ago it would have been unheard of for her to be thanking those two for anything. Now everything was falling into place. Not only did she have a home, family and a girlfriend who treasured her, she was able to say at last, that she also had friends who truly accepted her.

The best thing to come out of the night was her renewed bond with Santana. She would never admit it, but she had missed the company of the cheerleader. Along with Brittany, the girls always used to do everything together. Although it was nothing like the closeness she had enjoyed with Rachel, even prior to their relationship, they had been loyal to each other once. Quinn was delighted at the prospect of recapturing even a small part of that old connection.

By the time they got home, the notion of sleep, although inviting, was inconceivable. Normally, given how sleep-deprived Beth made her, Quinn would never turn down the chance of more beauty sleep, but it was still early and they both continued to experience the buzz of alcohol coursing through their veins. Nevertheless, Quinn did force herself into the shower; the encounter with Finn had made her feel dirty, and not just because of the spilled whisky.

She came back downstairs to find Rachel on the karaoke machine, belting out some classic Broadway number that she didn't recognise. She listened, rapt. The name of the song or the artist didn't matter; Rachel's sultry vocals captivated her. Rachel brought the song to an end, aware of her presence. When the diva suggested a duet, Quinn found that she didn't need much persuasion. Singing with Rachel was like being pulled in a million different directions, but she found that she enjoyed the challenge. Rachel was never more attractive than when she sang, exuding joy with every lyric and there was no denying the exquisiteness of her voice. Sitting there, Quinn was reminded of a saying she had once heard _Music washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life. _Right then, after everything that she had been through, she couldn't think of any other way that she would rather spend the remainder of her Saturday night.


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did. **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best.**

**(How good were the Quinn, Puck and Beth scenes? OMG I want to hug Quinn so much!)**

**Anyway enough comments about the show.**

**I've included Quinn/Santana friendship in this chapter. I wanted to write Pezberry as I ship the idea of that friendship far too much but I don't think it would fit into this story. Enjoy the update. Reviews are love!**

"You're early? Who are you, and what have you done with Quinn Fabray?"

Quinn shrugged off the sarcasm, she smiled. It was inevitable that some of Rachel's habits had rubbed off on her; she was just relieved not to be singing along to Barbara Streisand.

She grabbed Santana's arm, distracting her from further digs. "Let's shop!"

She was so happy they could do this, just hang out and do normal teenage stuff like they used to. Santana even was being accommodating to Rachel, at least as far as no longer openly insulting her. However, the antagonism between them, particularly at school, remained undiminished. Despite the fact that they had agreed to a ceasefire, at Quinn's request, after the party. Rachel had been weary at first, once it became clear that her girlfriend would be spending time with her old rival, but Quinn had made it clear that very few people knew the real Santana Lopez, the girl behind the hostility and bravado. In that way, Rachel understood that the Latina and her girlfriend were similar, and after how she had backed up her girlfriend, she was in any case satisfied that Santana really did care about Quinn.

The blonde let herself be dragged into the fitting room with her friend. Santana made it into their own personal catwalk; they strutted and pouted in front of the mirror, trying on armfuls of outfits, one after another. Some of the clothes were outrageous; others boarding on the absurd, but Santana managed to make every piece work. _It's a shame she's always stuck inside that Cheerios uniform, _Quinn mused as she watched the girl pose. It was obvious that the brunette had a passion for fashion. Quinn was just pleased to be able to hold her own without worrying about stretch marks or post pregnancy weight. 

Once the disapproving looks of the sales assistant became too obvious to ignore, they took the hint and left the shop before they were thrown out. Quinn gave the lady one of her trademark icy stares, but it had been such a long time, that it felt strange, like it didn't fit anymore. Santana laughed.

"You've gone soft Q." She muttered in her ear. Her voice sounded wistful. It occurred to Quinn how much Santana had missed her, although she would never tell. She wanted to ask if the girl wished that the old Quinn were here, and if there was any space for the new, but she figured Santana had shown up, consistently, and that must count for something. As if she read her thoughts, the cheerleader added "It's not a bad thing, letting your guard down."

"You should try it sometime." She whispered. Santana shrugged, and Quinn knew that her walls were back up, defences in place.

"Come on, let's grab a smoothie, I'm parched."

Quinn nodded. She was about to suggest getting something to eat as well when something caught her eye. She stopped, transfixed. She leaned into the window for a closer look, not caring that Santana hadn't noticed and gone on ahead. Her eyes hovered over a beautiful necklace. It was a heart shaped locket, simple, yet stylish. _Perfect _she thought. The only problem was the price, even if she got a job tomorrow and saved a large portion of her pay check; there was no way she would be able to afford to buy it. Quinn sighed.

When Santana caught her up, having backtracked, with smoothies in hand, Quinn was still gazing into the window. She was hoping that if she looked hard enough, the necklace would magically materialise into her hand.

"Earth to Q. What the hell? You just disappeared. What are you doing?"

Quinn took the cup that Santana was thrusting her direction, before it ended up spilling all over her. "Oh Nothing. Just wishing that Fairy Godmother's actually existed, or failing that, wondering how I could con a rich, elderly Billionaire into writing me into his will."

Santana smirked. "Still haven't found a new job then?"

"No." Quinn tore herself away from the jewellery. "It's been good though. I've been able to spend more time with Beth and I'm all caught up at school. Also, it's nice to be around for family dinners, I never had that. I like having someone to cook for, even clean for."

"You sound like a 50's housewife. Seriously Q, you are so whipped." Santana grinned, "A real picture of domestic bliss over at Mrs and Mrs Berry's."

"Scoff all you want. It makes me happy that I can take care of Rachel. What's wrong with that? I like being there when she gets back from school; we can finally spend proper time together without me having to rush off to work."

"I'm glad for you, I am. You deserve it, being settled, especially after all the crap you've been though. Honestly, though, I just don't get what you see in Berry. She's so-"

"Whatever you are going to say, don't okay? You don't know her like I do San. Please can you just make an effort with her? I'd like it if we could all be friends, hang out together."

"I am making an effort! I offered to take her shopping didn't I?"

"No, you told her a blind Nun could assemble a better outfit than her, and that she needed fashion help ASAP. That's hardly the same thing."

Santana smirked. "Okay, Okay, I'll try harder. Just promise me there will be no double dates. Seeing you and Rachel Berry making eyes over the appetisers..." She shuddered dramatically, making gagging noises.

Quinn rolled her eyes. "I guess I better cancel our table at Breadstix for tonight then." Quinn retorted, unable to stifle her laughter.

"Don't even joke about that place. Just mentioning it is enough to make me hungry. Lunch?"

Quinn looked at her watch. "I'd love to, but I can't. Rachel's dads' are babysitting and I promised I wouldn't be gone too long. You could always come back with me though; I could rustle us up some lunch."

"No can do Martha Stewart. I've just remembered I have somewhere to be."

"Rachel won't be home yet, if that's what you're worried about."

"It's not that, it's just later than I thought. I promised to meet Britt. Honestly, I meant what I said about Rachel." Santana pulled her into a brief hug. "Oh and Q, if you are looking for a present for Berry, my cousin makes jewellery and stuff. It's nothing like that necklace but maybe..."

"Thanks San. I'll see you soon yeah?"

With that, the Latina was gone from view. Quinn smiled. She understood now that she had been foolish to try and cut the ties from her old life. She'd had to do a lot of growing up, but that didn't mean she had to get old before her time. Maybe it was possible to be a good mother but still get to act like a teenage girl sometimes too. _It's just a question of balance _she realised; _fun and responsibility don't have to cancel each other out._

She was pondering this when Rachel came home. "Rach, can you come in here a sec? I have something I want to tell you."

Rachel strolled into the living room; she looked both wide eyed and terrified. She took a seat next to her girlfriend, anxious. "What's happened?"

"Don't worry, it's nothing bad." She smiled for emphasis and watched as the brunette visibly relaxed. "I've come to a decision. I miss singing; I want to come back to New Directions."

"What? Quinn that's great!" Rachel threw her arms around her, beaming. "What made you change your mind?"

"Meeting Santana today, I realised. I'm still young. I can be a good mom and still be myself. I've got my whole life ahead of me, I thought when I had Beth, I had to sacrifice everything, but I've been thinking since I got home, who says I do? Beth would want a mom that's fulfilled. How can I teach her to follow her dreams when I didn't? Being at Mckinley is my only way to get back into Glee club. So, if that's what it takes, I'll do it, I'll come back. I'm all caught up with my work. There is nothing stopping me."

"You have no idea how pleased that makes me. New Directions needs you, and I know you need Glee too. It's obvious how happy you are when you sing Quinn."

"Not only that, if I'm back at Mckinley, I get to spend even more time with you. Just think..." She kissed her girlfriend hard. "I can do this whenever I want."

Rachel smiled, blushing slightly. "I can't believe it. Wait, but what about Beth. There isn't a nursery like at your old school."

"Yeah, that's the only setback. I've been sat here trying to figure that out, I was hoping you would have some ideas."

Rachel pondered for a moment. "Actually, I do have one suggestion. My dad, his office is pretty flexible. Maybe they would let him work from home. We could ask him, it's worth a shot. That's if you're sure that this is what you want."

"I'm sure."

"Okay then. We are going to make this happen. I promise."

Rachel had that determined look in her eyes and Quinn knew that she wouldn't let this go. It felt good to have Rachel on her side, plenty of other people would have jeered her sudden change of heart, but the brunette didn't question it.

"I just want to make it clear to you; this isn't because we sang that duet. This isn't some lame afterschool special, where the lost girl is cured by the power of song or whatever. Okay?"

Rachel just grinned. Quinn thought that maybe this was one of those times when the brunette knew what was going on inside her head better than she did. She listened as Rachel called her dad, not quite daring to get her hopes up. Her girlfriend had no such reservations, she was practically dancing round the room with excitement, phone clamped to her ear.

"He said yes!" She exclaimed.

Quinn stared at the phone in shock. _This is really happening. _Rachel sensed her nerves. "This is going to be amazing, you'll see, and I will be right there with you."

That at least, Quinn didn't doubt. Scared as she was about returning to school, she wasn't alone. _I should never have left. I was a coward. _Keeping Beth and being with Rachel had taught Quinn that it didn't pay to take the easy option. So she was going back. She only hoped that Mckinley High was ready for her.


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did. **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best. **

**I had writers block with this chapter. I'm still not 100% happy with how it has turned out but I didn't want to leave you waiting too long. Feedback is welcomed. **

"So, on a scale of 1-10, how awesome was your first day?"

Quinn looked at her girlfriend's joyful expression over the table as she pretended to study her menu. _Lie, lie, lie. _Her brain urged. _Say something, hurry. _"It was great." She answered, hoping that it sounded sincere.

"I knew it would be. I am so happy you are back at school, it's all working out, and you didn't even get slushied."

"Yeah." Quinn managed a genuine, if slightly weak smile. She had expected the ritual; it was a rite of passage, to assert her new low status at Mckinley. Thankfully, Santana was blessed with enough influence to prevent it and that was a plus point at least. It was hard enough walking the halls without wearing the stains of her humiliation like a badge.

What Quinn couldn't tell Rachel was that, although the morning had started out promisingly enough, her confidence and resolve to take Mckinley High School by storm had lasted only until first period.

It dawned on her, as she watched Rachel disappear towards her locker, leaving her alone that the desire to come back wasn't brave as she had thought, it was naive. The kids at school didn't care about her personal development. They still saw her in the simplest, most convenient definitions. To them she was nothing but _a slut, hopeless, a dyke, a whore, a charity case, and a loser. _She had convinced herself that she had something to prove, that her first day could be a crusade to show them, her parents, her Aunt and even Rachel to some extent, that she was okay. Everything that had happened hadn't broken her_. She was happy and she could have it all_. But, as she stood outside the classroom door, alone in a sea of students, listening to them gossip about her as though she wasn't even there, she had begun to realise the enormity of her mistake. Her new life, perfect or otherwise, didn't feature in their estimations of her at all.

She could feel the old Quinn rising to the surface again, at the sound of their taunts, desperate to fight back. It would be so easy that familiar inner voice said, _just pick out a single target; pinpoint their flaws and attack. _This tactic had served her well in the past, it was usually enough to silence the whole crowd if she was vicious enough.It had become obvious then. She hadn't been a coward to leave, and she hadn't taken the easy way out, she had done the right thing in order to salvage what pieces of herself she could, and now she was risking that. It was like a giant step backwards and she felt angry that she had caved in so easily.

She may have moved on, but in this place, her old reputation followed her. _What if I really am still that same girl underneath?_ The way that she had reacted, it showed her that she hadn't really banished the old Quinn Fabray at all. It was clear that Mckinley High brought out the worst in her, and that scared her more than anything. That was why she couldn't tell Rachel, she didn't want to reveal that side of herself.

"That song, you performed in Glee this afternoon, it gave me goose bumps."

Rachel's compliment interrupted Quinn's attempts to mentally reconstruct the day's events. She hadn't forgotten that Glee was a large part of her reasoning for coming back, she just wondered if her love of singing was worth the risk. There was the very real possibility that she could undo all the positive progress she had made.

She quickly got lost in her thoughts again. She knew that she could grow accustomed to life at school, put a brave face on things and tough it out. It was feasible to fight her demons and repress her temper again. She had done it before. Lying to Rachel though, that was a lot more difficult, and something she was very uncomfortable with.

As a result, as the day had gone on, growing steadily worse, she had tried, unsuccessfully several times to open up to Rachel. It was no use. The other girl was in no mood to listen and keeping her feelings from the brunette, only added to the strain.

It was hard enough for Quinn to hide the fact that her mom had tried to contact her. She hadn't wanted any secrets between them, but now it seemed they were piling up, the weight of them threatening to crush her. _What if this was the start of it? Was she already regressing into the old Quinn, the one to whom deception came easily? Soon would she lie to Rachel without hesitation, as she had to Finn?_

Quinn's breathing began to quicken, so much of herself was wrapped up in Rachel Berry. It didn't matter about the house or the family, it mattered that Rachel made her a better person and that loving her had given Quinn the courage to be herself and live the life she wanted. She wasn't letting go of that ever. She would have to admit what was happening, lay bare her fears.

"You're quiet tonight, is everything alright?"

Quinn shifted uncomfortably in her seat, unsure how to even begin to explain. "I'm tired I suppose. It's been a long day, I don't think coming out for a meal to celebrate was the best idea."_ All true so far._

"You suggested it Quinn. What's going on with you? You've been acting funny all day. I thought you'd be glad to be back at school."

"I know... I'm happy about New Directions...It's just...I don't know...I feel like coming back to school..." She was floundering. Rachel waited patiently.

Quinn started again. "I thought I could go back with my head held high and show them all how perfect my life is, but it didn't matter. They only want to judge me, as soon as I got in there, everything started going wrong and I felt myself slipping back into my old ways. Mckinley is no good for me."

"School is not the issue Quinn. It's just a building filled with people who don't have to matter. You are the problem. You have to stop beating yourself up about who you were and what you did wrong. That's all in the past now. So what if your temper flares up now and again, that doesn't nullify all the changes you've made and you don't have to prove yourself to anyone. You told me that you wanted to come back because you missed singing, and you missed your friends and having fun. Hold onto that. The other stuff isn't important; it doesn't have to affect you unless you let it."

Quinn smiled. "Rachel Berry, when did you get so all-knowing?"

"That's just one of my many talents." The brunette replied with a smirk. "Honestly though, you could have told me how you were feeling, you didn't have to bottle it up, how long have you been feeling like this?" She squeezed Quinn's hand. It was the simplest way to soothe her.

"How could I tell you? You were so happy."

"I was only happy because I thought you were. I'm not going to pretend I wasn't ecstatic to have you around, but I never pushed you. It was all your idea. I had no clue you were struggling so much." Rachel retorted matter of factly.

"Exactly why I didn't want to say anything, I initiated all of this, how could I turn round and admit that it was potentially a huge mistake?"

"You can tell me anything you know. When have I ever judged you?"

"Please don't be annoyed with me; I don't want to fight about this. I'm not giving up on Mckinley. I know I should have just said something this morning. I thought you'd be upset with me, for not handling things better. I'm so sorry Rach. I'm an idiot."

"You're not an idiot, you just worry too much, you internalise everything. Just talk to me next time, that's all I ask." Rachel hugged her girlfriend. "That's what I'm here for, remember that."


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did. **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best. **

**A reasonably long chapter again for you. A mixture of both Faberry fluff and sexytime and angsty stuff, so there's something for everyone I guess. I hope you like it.**

"Can't we just stay home?" Quinn mumbled. She didn't want to be awake and snuggled closer to Rachel, hoping to retain her tenuous grasp on a particularly good dream. Rachel ignored the plea and raised herself up to silence the buzzing alarm, wiping sleep from her eyes. "Please." Quinn whispered, skilfully manoeuvring Rachel back into position by her side. She kissed her girlfriend, anxious to silence the protests that she knew were about to burst out.

"Quinn, we have to go to school. Come on." Rachel tried to sound stern, but she giggled as the blonde's lips fluttered lightly against her collarbone. Quinn knew she was ticklish in that spot and she was determined to use this to her advantage. "Pretty please." She purred.

"We are going to be late-" Rachel made another attempt to leave the bed, but Quinn grabbed her wrist, pulling her back for the second time. She straddled the brunette, pinning her in place. She never tired of the taste of Rachel's mouth or the way the girl's body begged for her touch.

"Are you happy now?" Rachel asked later as they lay depleted in the tangled sheets. She eyed the clock face petulantly "You've officially made me late for school for the first time ever. I'm surprised my dad hasn't come bursting in here looking for us."

"I'm very happy." Quinn replied smugly. "I advocate that it should be mandatory for every morning to start like that." Quinn grinned. "As for your dad, he probably figured out that we didn't want to be disturbed..."

"Oh god, do you think he heard us?"

"We weren't exactly being quiet." Quinn admitted. "I wouldn't worry, even if he didn't hear us, we are still busted. There is going to be no hiding that." Quinn drew her girlfriend's attention to a rapidly developing love-bite that was darkening to a not too subtle shade of purple on her neck.

"Quinn!" Rachel squealed as she leapt up to examine the evidence more closely in her bedroom mirror.

"I didn't hear you complaining at the time." Quinn replied, casually getting up and throwing a robe around her. "Your dads' aren't stupid Rachel. We've been sharing a room for ages now."

"I know, but I don't want to have to sit through another conversation about being responsible."

"Maybe they won't notice..." Quinn offered. Her resolve to keep a straight face was quickly forgotten as she surveyed the bruise, and she broke into peals of laughter. Rachel was not amused. "It'll be fine. Come on, I need coffee. That means facing the music."

Upon surveying the kitchen Quinn could see no sign of either of Rachel's fathers. "The coast is clear!" she called, switching on the coffee machine and rummaging in the cupboards. She began to assemble enough food for a feast. _We're already late, what's the rush. _Rachel tiptoed into the kitchen, fiddling with her scarf nervously.

"Breakfast? You can't be serious! We have to get to school now before my dad gets back. This was a lucky escape, if he catches us..."

"Relax. Don't pretend you're not starving. It's only another half an hour, what's the harm?"

Quinn could see that Rachel was about to open her mouth to complain, but as she did so her stomach rumbled loudly. Quinn placed a bowl of mixed berries in front of her with a smirk. Once it was evident that neither of her fathers' was about to jump out from some concealed hiding place and read her the riot act, Rachel calmed down and tucked into the breakfast heartily.

As they ate, with the quiet hum of the radio in the background, Quinn couldn't help but think how nice it was, just to have time alone to just enjoy each other's company. It seemed they rarely had the luxury of just being together lately. Somebody else was always around. Even at night, when they were alone, Quinn often found herself preoccupied with Beth or worried about school. Sat in the kitchen, there was nothing to stress about and no distractions, they could just be. It was peaceful.

Unfortunately, it didn't last. With the turning of the key in the lock, Quinn's hopes of a lazy morning were shattered. Rachel's dad was back. She shot a look at the brunette, her eyes widened and she began to clear away the breakfast things manically, as if by removing the coffee mugs she could cover up their own presence in the kitchen. Quinn stilled her girlfriend with a touch of her arm. She stepped out in front of Rachel protectively. She had gotten them into this.

"Hi Mr Berry, would you like some coffee?" She asked cheerfully, as though it was perfectly normal to be standing in the kitchen having breakfast two hours later than usual.

Rachel's dad frowned. "Why aren't you girls at school?"

A million excuses formulated in Quinn's brain. _A study day, natural disaster, the teachers are on strike, we've both been struck down by a rare, extremely contagious disease..._It the end she opted for a version of the truth.

"It's all my fault. You see, I've been finding it hard to settle back in at Mckinley. I wasn't really feeling too great about going in today. You shouldn't blame Rachel she has been trying to convince me to go."

"Girls I agreed to this arrangement in good faith, and this is not acceptable. Quinn, I'm sorry that you've been having a difficult time adjusting but I can't have you unsettling my daughter's education too. I agreed to look after Beth so you could go back to school, not blow it off. While you are living here, I will treat you the same as Rachel, and I will tell you what I've told her. I need to be able to trust you. I guess for you Quinn that means promising me that you will go to school every day. You aren't children anymore, you need to be responsible. This is an important year for you academically. You can't just goof off."

Quinn felt her anger rise at the dressing down. He was right but the harshness of his tone irked her. He made it sound as though she was workshy and that was one thing she was not. _So I took the morning off, big deal._ And as for being a bad influence on Rachel, missing one day of school would hardly ruin her life.

Rachel sensed Quinn's annoyance and intervened. "I'm sorry. It won't happen again Daddy I promise." Her voice obviously sounded suitably chastised, because her dad didn't say anymore.

"I'm sorry too." Quinn added as she headed out of the kitchen. She liked Mr Berry and she didn't want him to think badly of her. Thinking about it, maybe it had been selfish of her to keep Rachel away from school. She hadn't wanted to make trouble for Rachel or her dads'.

"Quinn, hang on a minute. Can I speak to you alone?"

Quinn gestured to Rachel that she would meet her upstairs. She prepared herself for another reprimand.

"Quinn, I hesitate to tell you this, especially in light of what you just said about the pressure you are under at school, but you have a right to know. I just spoke to Mrs Puckerman and it seemed she has been fielding calls from your mother for some time. Were you aware of this?"

Quinn cleared her throat. "I suspected as much, she's been trying to contact me. I thought she would take the hint."

"Well, apparently not because she called again last night, anxious to talk to you. I don't know all the details but it appears that she has left your father. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you like this Quinn."

She couldn't respond. The words just wouldn't sink in. This had been everything she had prayed for since before Beth was born and now it had finally happened. _So why did it feel like a kick in the guts? _She supposed because she hadn't been enough of an incentive, her mom didn't love her enough. She had begged her mother to leave him and it still hurt to think that her mother hadn't been strong enough to defy her father. _So why now after all this time?_ Quinn hated herself for it, but she was curious.

"Did she say why she left?"

"I don't know sweetheart. Maybe you should talk to her."

_How can I? _She thought. What was there to say? _Hi mom, I'm super glad you've finally found the balls to leave dad. I'm great by the way, don't worry about me. It's no problem that you didn't fight for me when it mattered, so long as you're happy now. Glad everything has worked out._ She didn't know what her mother expected; whether she thought they could be a happy family with her dad out of the picture, but it was wasn't that easy. He couldn't shoulder all the blame.

It crossed her mind that maybe her mom's reasons had nothing to do with her; perhaps she just couldn't take anymore. _But then why try so hard to contact her? Why tell her at all. _Quinn didn't know, but either way, she decided that it didn't really matter; she didn't want to give her mom any openings to worm her way back into her life again. She didn't need her.

"Quinn? Are you crying? Daddy what did you say to her?" Quinn was vaguely aware that Rachel was ranting at her father on her behalf and that she had gotten everything wrong. Before she could correct her she felt Rachel's hand in hers, pulling her away. She had never been gladder to feel the protective arm around her.

"Can we go somewhere? I don't care where."

They came to the park. It was quiet, all the kids were at school and with the exception of a few dog walkers, they were completely alone. Quinn twisted a long strand of grass in her fingers, her eyes flitting between this task and the shapes the clouds made. She was looking anywhere but Rachel's face. The sun warmed her shoulders, a reminder of the potential of the day. She was alone with Rachel away from school like she had wanted, but it was ruined now.

"Quinn?" Rachel moved to where she sat cross-legged on the grass. It was evident that she was unsure whether or not the other girl wanted her to sit beside her. Quinn looked up, inviting her with a sigh.

"Whatever my dad said to you, I'm going to kill him. He had no right to upset you like that."

"It wasn't him." Quinn admitted. She made herself look at Rachel so that there was no mistake. "My mom has left my dad. Your dad was just the messenger."

"How did he...? Your mom wouldn't call him..." Rachel was clearly puzzled but she reached out her hand to comfort Quinn anyway.

"She called Puck's mom. She's been trying to call me. I thought it was because of what my Aunt did, telling her about us, so I didn't answer."

"Wait, your Aunt told your mom about us? When?"

"She called her. She told me my mom wanted to see me when I went back to get my stuff."

"Why didn't you tell me? I thought we didn't have secrets." Rachel snatched her hand away. This was everything Quinn had hoped to avoid.

"I wanted to, I nearly told you so many times but I'm sick of my drama spoiling things for us. Besides, I knew you would tell me to talk to her and I can't do that."

"Why would talking to her be so bad? She deserves to know how badly she let you down."

"Because I don't want to see her, much less have a discussion with her. She isn't a part of my life anymore and that's how I want it to stay. If I talk to her, she will expect me to forgive her, how can I do that? I hate what she did, how weak she was. Her standing up to him now doesn't change anything, it's too late."

"You don't have to forgive her Quinn, you don't even have to hear her side of things if you don't want to, just tell her how you feel. It might make you feel better, you could let go of all the hurt and anger you've been feeling."

"You have no idea how I feel! Stop acting like you do, you don't understand. How could you? You have the perfect family. I'm not doing this, so just stop! This isn't a fairytale. My mom and I don't get a happy ending." Bitter, angry tears began to fall. Rachel reached out to console her, but Quinn pushed her away. Rachel couldn't fix this. "Leave me alone!"

She didn't want to be comforted. She ran, leaving the brunette standing alone and open-mouthed. Quinn didn't look back. She sprinted as hard as she could, needing only to put some distance between herself and all the problems surrounding her. She was dragging Rachel down into her misery, something she swore she wouldn't do again. _Rachel deserves better than me. _That was the reality she couldn't escape from. Rachel ought to be with someone that made her happy, someone who had a family that would invite her over for dinner and all those normal things_._ Quinn was always going to be broken.


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best.**

**I thought it was about time for another chapter told in Rachel's POV as I have bombarded you with Quinn-centric chapters lately. Warning contains sad Rachel, I felt like I was kicking a puppy...**

**I snuck the beginnings of Pezberry in here just to cheer myself up. Forgive me.**

**Credit to Jessie J for the lyrics I have shamelessly borrowed here.**

Rachel looked out of the window, hoping to see the familiar flash of blonde hair appear in the driveway. It was hopeless. She had run out of places to look for her girlfriend. She didn't know what to do; Quinn had never run from her before. Usually when she was upset, she sought the other girl out, almost clingy in her need for comfort. It was Rachel's job to make things better, but this was different, Quinn hadn't wanted her advice and Rachel didn't know how to deal with that. Things had shifted, this new dynamic scared her. She had always been the one likely to storm away if things got difficult, never Quinn.

Sat there alone, she tried to piece together any clues that the blonde may have inadvertently given her over the last few days. Her mind kept lingering on her solo in Glee Club, how she had looked standing in front of them all, she had opened herself up, her mask flung aside. The lyrics had seemed optimistic that afternoon. _It's okay not to be okay. Sometimes it's hard to follow your heart._ Rachel had thought she was revealing that in spite of it all, she wasn't just coping, she was coming out fighting. _Tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising, just be true to who you are! _ But, maybe she had misunderstood the purpose of the song. She remembered how, during the next verse, Quinn had locked her gaze on the brunette, the delicate vocals aimed directly at her. _The more I try the less it's working, yeah. 'Cause everything inside me screams no, no, no, no, no..._Rachel sighed. It was just a song. It was possible she was placing too much emphasis on it.

With all other possibilities exhausted, Rachel had no choice but to concede that it was time to call in reinforcements. She hated the idea that she couldn't find Quinn on her own, but this was no time for pride. Her girlfriend was in free-fall and she needed to find her.

Puck and Santana arrived quicker than she expected, obviously worried by the panicked, garbled messages she had left. Puck embraced her as soon as he entered the house but the boy's arms around her did little to comfort her. She was bombarded with the memory of how she had hugged Quinn days before; promising to be there for her. She had failed. Rachel tried to evoke the good memories of this morning, but it didn't seem real. It was like a dream.

She pulled away from Noah. "I don't know how much you guys understood from my messages but Quinn has gone."

"What do you mean gone?" Santana eyed her guardedly.

"She ran away. She found out that her mom has left her dad. I told her she should go talk things out, she was so upset. This news has brought everything back to the surface for her, all the bad things she tried to bury. It got too much and she just ran. I've looked everywhere I can think of. I need your help."

"Where's Beth? Is she with her?" Noah was petrified, it made him seem younger, more vulnerable. He looked a million miles away from his bad boy persona.

"According to my dad she came home and took Beth. It must have been her first stop as soon as she left the park. I didn't get here in time. Daddy thought that she was going to see her mom so he didn't question it."

Noah's grim face said it all. Quinn had taken Beth which meant that this was serious. It confirmed Rachel's worst fears that maybe Quinn wasn't planning to come back.

"Are we so sure she hasn't gone there? Did you check?"

Rachel rolled her eyes at Santana's suggestion. She wasn't impractical. "I drove by but obviously I couldn't go inside. Mrs Fabray she's...anyway there was no sign of her. After what she said I honestly don't think Quinn would go there."

"Well. I'm gonna swing by the house anyway. Mrs Fabray likes me, or at least hates me less than you two losers." With that the girl left, pausing only to squeeze Rachel's shoulder encouragingly. "I'm doing this for Quinn." She whispered. "Don't think this means that we're friends or anything."

"What can I do Rach?" Puck looked at her imploringly. She didn't have a real answer. She knew it was important to keep him busy though. He needed to feel useful.

"I'm going to wait here, in case she comes back. There is no point driving around, I've tried that. Call everyone she knows, they might tell you something that they wouldn't tell me."

"I know you probably don't want to hear this, but you know Quinn better than anyone. She's opened up to you like nobody else. If you can't find her then it seems to me that she doesn't want to be found."

_That's what scares me. _Rachel thought.

When Santana came back later, her body language told Rachel everything she needed to know. Quinn wasn't there. Puck wasn't faring any better on the phone calls either. Finally he hurled his phone across the room in frustration and it hit the wall making Rachel jump.

"You guys might as well go home." Rachel wanted to be alone, just wanted to lock herself away and cry. She had never felt such acute despair wash over her and she didn't think she could hold it together much longer.

Santana made a move to get up but Puck stayed rooted in his chair. "I'm not leaving. She's got my kid with her. As upset as she is, anything could be happening. We need to find them."

Santana spoke up angrily. "Don't you think she knows that Puckerman? Berry is upset too okay? She's lost the girl she loves. You're not helping by stating the obvious."

Rachel was taken aback. _Did Santana actually defend her?_ She didn't know what to say, she didn't want to embarrass the cheerleader by making a big deal out of it, but it was nice to know that Santana didn't entirely hate her. She settled for smiling at the other girl. _Is she blushing? That couldn't be right. Santana Lopez didn't blush she?_ Rachel realised that Quinn was right; the Latina had many sides to her. Rachel decided she liked this version of Santana.

Thinking of Quinn caused a fresh wave of anguish grip her heart. It was getting late. She didn't want to agonise over who her girlfriend was with, what she might be doing or where she was going to sleep tonight. It was too scary and it hurt too much. All she had wanted for Quinn since she moved in was somewhere for her to be safe and happy, but she couldn't protect her.

Quinn was still tethered to Russell and Judy Fabray and that connection was destroying everything that they had tried to build together. It was pulling Quinn away from her. Rachel had endeavoured to show her that happiness didn't have to be earned or deserved and that it wasn't conditional on behaving a certain way. She hated that Quinn still held onto that. She wished that she could get the girl to stop caring, to see that her parents were flawed long before anything she had done.

Right now, she didn't care how broken Quinn was. It didn't matter to her if she spoke only in monosyllables or cried herself to sleep every night like before. She didn't mind if she chose never set foot in Mckinley High again as long as she came home. Rachel just wanted Quinn back.

Rachel managed to convince Puck to go home. His pacing and worrying wasn't helping. She knew he was just scared, they all were, but she couldn't comfort him right now.

"I'm going to go too. Call me if you hear anything."

Suddenly Rachel didn't want to be alone. Sure her dads' were around but they were too busy fussing over whether or not they should call the cops. They were worried that they would get in trouble since Quinn was in their care.

Rachel took a chance. She had nothing to lose. "Santana wait, I know we aren't friends or anything but could you stay?"

Santana looked puzzled. "Stay here? With you? Like all night?" She froze. No doubt she was picturing some nightmarish Rachel Berry slumber party scenario.

Rachel blushed. "I don't think I can fall asleep alone." Her voice sounded tiny, she hoped that Santana wouldn't exploit her vulnerability.

"Okay, just this once, on the condition that you keep your dwarfish man hands to yourself." The insult had none of her usual malice in it and she smiled. "I want you to know that if there is any funny business I'm leaving. Oh and I don't really think I need to say this but just in case, you can never EVER tell anyone about this." Rachel nodded, returning the grin. Nobody would believe her anyway.


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best.**

**Have no fear, I'm not going Pezberry or Quinntana on you, I'm all about the friendships but this is strictly Faberry all the way! **

**I'm aware that this chapter only reveals a small part of what Quinn got up to via the memory/flashback, but there was a lot of dialogue already. Don't worry, all will be revealed soon.**

Quinn had no concept of how long she had stood in the doorway of Rachel's room. It was almost morning, light enough to distinguish the two sleeping forms side by side. In normal circumstances, the idea of Santana and Rachel in bed together would be laughable, but Quinn was too unnerved by how comfortably the Latina seemed to occupy the space she had left. She knew nothing had happened romantically between the girls, but nevertheless she was preoccupied by her previous thoughts of Rachel finding someone else to date. The scene before her was like a fulfilment of that, tormenting her. She looked down at the brunette sleeping soundly. _Maybe Rachel would be better off if she stayed away?_

She forced herself to cast those notions aside. There was no letting go of Rachel. Her heart had led her back here. Rachel Berry was, aside from her daughter, the best thing in her life and she was going to do whatever it took to hold onto that.

Beth whinged in her arms, obliging Quinn to end her vigil. She longed to reach out and touch her girlfriend, her body ached with the absence of the brunette, but right now Beth's need was greater than hers. That was how Quinn found herself drinking coffee with Santana at 4am. She watched as her friend shuffled towards the sink, water glass in hand. It was only the sound of Beth's contented noises as she fed that alerted the cheerleader to the fact that she had company in the kitchen.

"Quinn?" Santana was still half-asleep, obviously unsure if she was dreaming. She rushed towards the blonde, clearly in two minds whether to slap her or hug her. In the end Santana settled for taking an empty chair beside her friend. Quinn observed as the girl took a sharp intake of breath. Quinn recognised all too well, the attempt to reign in her fury.

"Where have you been? Do you have any idea what you've put us through? Berry's been-" She stopped, discerning that this wasn't the time for one of her tirades.

She exhaled deeply and waited for Quinn to speak. Quinn moved the baby to her shoulder, her hunger satisfied. "What happened to us?" She demanded. "We were the popular girls, when did everything go so wrong?"

Santana looked at her sadly. "I get it. Your family aren't exactly the Brady's. Whose is? Our families mess us up Q, that's just how it is. You're lucky though, you've got the kid and Puckerman has stepped up to be a good baby daddy. You've even still got the hobbit, although god only knows how you haven't messed that up forever after what you've put her through today. What I'm trying to say is you'll be okay."

Quinn knew that her friend was right, and that she should concentrate on the positives of Santana's dialogue but nonetheless she found herself contemplating the girl's sentiments about family. It transported Quinn back to earlier in the night, the chilling desperation she felt. The words _families mess us up_ reopening the memory like a wound. Nobody could know what she had almost done.

_Her feet found the hospital. She liked the anonymity it offered; they were all so busy that no-one noticed her. No-one would think to look for her here either. She was invisible. It occurred to her how easily she could just go, slip empty-handed from the exit. Maybe it would be better that way. She had almost done it, but before she could force herself to move, Beth was crying. It stirred something deep within her, snapping her out of her self-loathing and feelings of pity. No matter what, Quinn couldn't ever leave her. She was Beth's mother, for better or worse, even if she was doomed to repeat the cycle and scar her daughter like her parents did. To contemplate abandoning Beth like that, even for a second, was unforgivable. She would never tell anyone._

"Quinn! Are you okay?" Quinn was aware of Santana's hand on her arm. She become conscious that she had no idea how long the Latina had been talking to her. She tried to focus. "You're probably tired right? I'll make some coffee."

As it transpired Quinn didn't even attempt to answer a single one of Santana's questions. It wasn't that she didn't want Santana to know, but she was too exhausted to consider the prospect of telling the story more than once. Anyway, it was only right that Rachel should hear the tale first. So she stayed silent and waited for her coffee. It was Quinn's interest in how Santana came to be in Rachel's bed that eventually ended the lull that had fallen over them as they sipped their drinks.

"Why are you still here?" she posed the question quietly, careful that her intonation displayed a total lack of suspicion or jealousy. She didn't want Santana to get defensive.

Santana shrugged. "The dwarf asked me to stay and against my better judgement I agreed. It's not that I like the girl or anything but she was a total wreck. Do you realise she can't even fall asleep without you? She barely slept all night, in the end I had to agree to watch Funny Girl just to get her to stop crying. You think you had a bad night, honestly you have no idea what I've been through."

Quinn couldn't help but snigger at Santana's melodramatics. In spite of everything, the mere suggestion that the cheerleader had watched Barbara Streisand was hilarious. She must have hated every second of it. Quinn squeezed her hand gratefully.

Santana smiled back. "You don't have to tell me anything but a word of advice Q, next time leave the diva storm outs to your girl. Seriously, it's not cool. We were all worried. Puck was about ready to put a bounty on your head for taking that baby away."

Quinn looked down at the sleeping infant against her chest. All too mindful of what she nearly gave up. "I just needed to get away. I didn't think about what I was leaving behind. I'm sorry, I thought you'd all be better off without me, I didn't mean to hurt anyone."

"You never do." Santana didn't mean it harshly, she was just being honest. One of the perks of being the best friend was that she could get away with being so blunt with Quinn. "Stop pushing everyone away, it gets you nowhere. Trust me, I know."

They spent the next few hours curled up on the couch together watching trashy TV that was mainly infomercials and reminiscing about Cheerleading Camp. It was just what Quinn needed and Santana had known that. Quinn must have drifted off because when she woke up, the TV was switched off. She looked around the room disoriented and discovered Santana had disappeared leaving behind a hastily scribbled note. It said simply _Call me. S xx_

It must still be fairly early, as neither of Rachel's dads' had gotten up yet and the first rays of muted daylight were only just beginning to filter through the curtains, but Quinn had lost all track of time. She tiptoed upstairs and crawled into the bed. Her side had cooled in Santana's absence and she shivered. Rachel was still sleeping soundly and Quinn noted that there was no trace of heartache as she dreamed. It would be apparent as soon as she awoke, but for now this could almost be any other morning.

Suddenly she felt like a fraud. This was not any other morning. _What if Rachel awoke and found her lying here? _She couldn't just waltz back into Rachel's bed; she had been gone for hours. Rachel would think she was nonchalant about disappearing, that she was indifferent to the upset she had caused. That wasn't true. She sprang up quickly, but the motion roused the brunette anyway. She was caught red-handed.

"Quinn?" The brunette reached out and lightly caressed her cheek as if to reassure herself that she was really there.

Quinn opened her mouth to explain, ready to tell Rachel everything, outline the whole story. Before she could, the diva was upon her, kissing her frantically. There was no time to speak; Rachel's mouth snatched the words before they had a chance to form. Quinn tried to break the kiss, there were countless apologies to utter, but Rachel seized her again and again, as though her life depended on maintaining the embrace. They were both crying, no way of distinguishing whose teardrops decorated their skin or the bedding beneath them. Quinn was suddenly afraid to break the kiss, terrified about the aftermath.

It was Rachel that extricated herself first. She pulled her knees up to her chin, hugging them. When she spoke the tone was so out of character that Quinn flinched.

"How could you?"

"I'm so sorry." Quinn responded ineptly. She wished she a better way to express herself, these words were so overused. No good. Everything she said sounded like a stale cliché but it was all she had. "I love you so much Rachel."

"You don't get to say that to me right now. Not after today."

Quinn tried again; desperate to get through to her girlfriend. "Please, can't we just..."

"I don't know if we can Quinn. I've been more than forgiving with you; I've made exceptions for your behaviour because of what you've been through. Your family is a train wreck I know that, and I can deal with any implications what they did, but you really hurt me. You made that choice, no-one else. You didn't believe in me or us enough to stay. I thought we could get through anything together. I can't pretend that today didn't happen. The things I thought, I've never been more scared in my life."

"I do believe in us. That's why I came back. I shouldn't have left. I just felt like all I ever do is drag you down, my insecurities, my drama, everything. I don't want to make you sad anymore. I thought it would be better, but I couldn't stay away. I know I've messed up, I can never be the perfect girlfriend that you deserve, but I'm here. I want to try again.

Rachel laced their fingers together. "Nobody is perfect Quinn. That doesn't matter to me. I want you, drama and all. I don't care that things aren't always easy, you are worth it. I need you to trust that." Rachel stroked the girl's hair tenderly. "I love you and I always will. Just promise me that if you ever get the urge to run away again you will talk to me. I don't think I could stand another day like this."

Quinn was so overcome with emotion that she couldn't speak, her whole body flooded with adoration for the petite brunette. Rachel continually surprised her with her ability to forgive and the way that she always saw the best in Quinn. _I have the best girlfriend in the world._ As Rachel beckoned for her to come closer, everything seemed so uncomplicated. Running away was futile because this is where she belonged, pure and simple.


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did. **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best.**

**Not the greatest chapter I've written, sorry that it's so dialogue heavy. I hope you still enjoy it; it's kind of sad, but also optimistic. There is light at the end of the tunnel for Quinn and that's a good thing right?**

**I suppose I will have to think about drawing this story to a close soon *Sigh* I have grown rather fond of these characters and this world. Fear not though I have an idea for another Faberry fic.**

As soon as Quinn left the bathroom she was greeted by a wall of sound, a chorus of raised voices from downstairs. Rachel wasn't in bed where she had left her. That meant only one thing, Rachel's dads' knew she was back. Quinn couldn't make out the actual words but the gist was clear. The volume indicated that the discussion was getting heated, and although the reaction of the Berry men was more than understandable, she was worried that if she didn't get down there soon, her girlfriend would likely say something she might regret. Quinn didn't want to be the cause of a Berry family rift. Rachel was both fiercely loyal to her and hot tempered; especially if she thought her dads' were interfering. Right now that was a dangerous mixture.

As she reached the stairwell, it was impossible not to eavesdrop. She braced herself and listened. "Honey, calm down, all we are saying is that we think things are getting very intense. We are simply suggesting that some time out might be good for you both."

"She needs me; I'm not going to abandon her like everyone else has!"

"You are still so young, you should be out having fun, your dad and I are worried that this has become too much for you. We know you love Quinn, but it's not your job to fix her. You shouldn't have that responsibility."

At that point Quinn entered the living room, cutting off whatever reply Rachel was about to make. "Your dads' are right Rachel." She admitted quietly, waiting for the backlash.

It didn't come. Each Berry turned to look at her, dumbstruck. They all had matching expressions of astonishment on their faces, which in other circumstances Quinn may have found endearing.

As it happened, she chose to ignore Rachel's dads' bewilderment and focus solely on the petite brunette in front of her. Anxious to state her case before she was interrupted or worse, lost her nerve.

"You were right too Rach, when you said that we can't pretend me running away didn't happen. It's made me realise that if we carry on as we are, you may end up resenting me for what I've put you through. I couldn't bear it if that happened. So, I'm going to go away for a while, I need to try and work things out on my own."

Rachel swallowed hard, trying to keep the tears at bay. "Wait, Quinn, I've only just got you back, you can't go."

"It's not forever. I just need to get my head together." Quinn toyed with her hair anxiously; she didn't expect Rachel to understand. It seemed like she was bailing out. She had to make Rachel see why she was doing this.

She cleared her throat, uncertain of where to start. "Last night I ended up at this place my dad used to take me to when I was little. It was like a mini fairground for kids, with rides and stuff. The best part was that there were all these fairytale cottages in the grounds made out of sheds, all decorated to resemble different stories. My favourite was the Grandma's cottage from Red Riding Hood; I used to love it there. I would look in the windows and imagine what it would be like to be Red Riding Hood and have a Grandmother waiting for me inside."

Quinn paused. She wondered why, standing in front of the only person she had ever really loved and her makeshift family, she felt more than ever like that lonely, mixed up little girl peeking into windows, imagining a perfect life.

"I went there because thought if I could just recall one time with my parents when I felt genuinely happy, then maybe I could salvage something from all of this. There was nothing. All I could remember was all the things I did to try and make them love me, everything I tried to be or do to please them. The person I became. It hit me as I sat there; they still left me anyway, which makes the majority of my life rather pointless."

Rachel looked at her, lost for words. "I can help you Quinn, if you let me."

_It's not fair to lay all this on her shoulders, it's my burden. _Quinn felt her heart hammering in her chest. She felt dizzy and scared and more than anything she wanted to cave in, let Rachel wrap her up and shield her from all this, but that would not only be pathetic, but also counterproductive in the long run. She needed to be strong, fix things, not paper over the cracks.

Before she had met Rachel, Quinn was detached, she had learnt to cope by shutting off from her emotions, but now she felt everything too much, it was overwhelming. Being with the girl had opened her up to all the good things, but in doing so, had unintentionally made her vulnerable to all the bad things she had been trying to protect herself from. Quinn was aware that she had to readdress the balance, and this was the only way she could think to do that. So she couldn't back out.

"Don't take this as a rejection, I love you Rachel, but I need to do this alone. I honestly thought I was moving on before all these setbacks, but I wasn't really dealing with anything, I was just hiding it away. I can't do that anymore, it isn't fair you, Beth, or me. I can't sink any lower, this is it. I've reached bottom. I need to find a way out."

Quinn felt better now that she had told Rachel everything, but saying the words and acting on them were two very different things. Leaving Rachel, even though she wasn't really leaving, was going to be a huge challenge. Knowing that it was for the best didn't make it any easier. Staring at her girlfriend she still wanted more than anything to renounce the words and fall into her arms. The thought kept returning. _Would it be so bad if she let Rachel's love safeguard her from her pain. She had done it before hadn't she? _

Rachel's dad spoke, a comforting arm around his sobbing daughter's shoulders. "Where will you go?"

"I don't know." Quinn hadn't thought this far ahead, there wasn't many of her friends that she hadn't alienated after last night. "I'm going to drop Beth at Puck's and then see. If he won't have me, then maybe I'll go to Santana's place."

Quinn grabbed Rachel's hand and pulled her close. The brunette stood firm, non-responsive to her caresses but she persisted, running her fingers through the silky chestnut hair until the girl was calmer. Quinn inhaled Rachel's scent, desperate to carry it with her. Withdrawing slightly, she gently gasped Rachel's tearstained cheek and kissed her forehead. Quinn knew that if she kissed Rachel properly she was done for; she wouldn't be able to see this through, so instead her lips sought the other girl's ear. "I need you to know, I won't be gone long. Stay strong. This isn't goodbye."

Rachel sniffed and swallowing hard, she fought to regain some composure. "I won't pretend that I fully understand why you have to do this, but I love you and I will support whatever decisions you make." She turned away then, burying her face in her father's shoulder.

Quinn understood that the girl couldn't watch her walk away. Without further comment she turned and left the room. _I love you_. Her mind screamed over and over. She bit back the words. She focused all her attention on trying to block out Rachel's heartbroken weeping, but the noises followed her regardless, heavy on her heart.


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters, although I wish I did. **

**Authors note: This is my first story, so please be kind. All mistakes are my own. I'm not American so please excuse any British slang that may have crept in, I did my best.**

**I kind of felt like the harbinger of doom with the last chapter. Sorry guys! I fear you won't like this chapter much either. DON'T HATE ME. It's NOT the end for Faberry, stick with me if your hearts can bear it.**

**Also it's a shameless plug but check out my new Faberry story, it's also AU, but very different from this. I would love to hear your thoughts.**

**Anyway, back to the story in hand. Here is another chapter in Rachel's POV.**

Rachel knew she was being crazy, staking out Santana's house like an escaped mental patient or jilted lover but she couldn't help it. _Why was Quinn in there when she should have been home?_ It wasn't fair. Quinn had driven her to this extreme. She hadn't been at school, making Rachel so desperate to catch a glimpse of her girlfriend that she was sat in her parked car, craning her neck for any signs of life inside.

It had been days, and Quinn had showed no signs of wanting to come home, if anything she had isolated herself further, not answering Rachel's calls or messages. _She had said that this wasn't goodbye, so why did it feel like the blonde wanted a clean break? _

As far as Rachel could tell, everyone else was more than happy with the arrangement. Beth was happily settled at Pucks, her dads' had told her repeatedly that they were glad she had agreed to some time alone, encouraging her to go out and see her friends as though she was in any mood to socialise. More importantly, Quinn was holed up at Santana's showing no indications that she missed her at all. Rachel was the only one struggling it seemed. It wasn't her fault; she hadn't agreed to this at all, Quinn had railroaded her into it.Not for the first time, Rachel wondered why Quinn had bothered to come back at all. Despite what she said, the girl was still running. Rachel was still willing to chase, but she wasn't sure how much longer she could keep up.

She honestly didn't know what else she could do or where else she was supposed to turn. She had done everything to be there for Quinn, supporting her through every crisis and making sure she felt safe and loved. _Why wasn't it enough? How had everything ended up like this?_

Rachel wasn't a violent person, but right now she wished more than anything she could throttle Quinn's aunt for kick starting all this. Before that, Rachel had imagined her biggest challenge in wooing Quinn Fabray would be getting the girl to admit how she felt. It was no secret that Quinn was notoriously guarded but together they had tentatively overcome the hurdles of their own fears to profess their love for each other. For what? Now, it was all in tatters.

_How can I make her see that I need her as much as she needs me? _ Rachel had run out of ways to prove her devotion, and she had tried time and again to boost Quinn's self-esteem. Bring her back; make her understand that she was good enough. So far nothing had worked long term. One thing Rachel was sure of, was that time alone was the last thing that Quinn needed. On her own, the doubts and insecurities would only overwhelm her and then there was no way back.

Quinn was at her strongest with Rachel by her side and vice versa, if Quinn was blind to that right now, then Rachel would have to show her. She was willing fight for the both of them. Sitting in her car, with only the streetlights for company, Rachel racked her brains for a solution. After a while she stumbled upon a plan. It _was so simple._ Now all she had to do was convince Quinn and everything would be alright.

The diva knocked on the door repeatedly, the hammering matching the skittish rhythm in her chest. _This had to work._

Santana answered, looming over the threshold grumpily. "Jesus Berry, Chill. No need to break my door down. Your girl is in the kitchen, you may as well go on through, as I'm guessing you aren't here to see this gorgeous face." Santana moved aside, torn over whether to stay and support her friend or make herself scarce. She opted to take a seat in the living room, still comfortably in earshot.

Rachel strode purposefully into the kitchen. Quinn looked up startled. "You're avoiding me Quinn." Rachel murmured conscious of Santana's proximity.

"Rachel, I explained all this. I need time out, that's all. Do you think it hasn't killed me? I've missed you every second."

"Listen, Quinn, just hear me out okay? I've been thinking and in my heart I know this isn't working for either of us, taking time apart. I've got a better idea; you want a fresh start right? Then let's go. We can leave right now; we can go anywhere you want."

"What? Are you serious?" Quinn's expression of scepticism wasn't exactly what she had been hoping for. Maybe she was mad to suggest this, but if it was the only way to keep her girlfriend then she would do it without question. If she couldn't stop Quinn from running, then she would run with her, it was the only choice left.

"I've never been surer of anything. If you need to go, to escape this place, then that's what we'll do. I understand. This town holds too many ghosts for you, so we'll find a new town, as long as we are together, it doesn't matter where we are."

Quinn shook her head. Her mouth was set in a firm line. "I can't ask that of you. Your home is here, your family. What about school? Have you forgotten all your dreams and future plans? You can't throw that all away. No Rachel, its insanity."

That was it then. The words deflated her, Rachel was certain that her plan would succeed. Big gestures or elopements never failed to work in the movies; she had appreciated the romance of it, running away with Quinn into the night. They could reinvent themselves, be whoever they wanted. Quinn wouldn't have to be scared anymore. It had been flawless. _Now what?_ Quinn had dismantled her aspirations, hope was gone, and so what else was there? She had nothing else to offer. She had given it all and she was still encountering brick walls.

What if Quinn didn't want to be with her? Maybe she just couldn't take the hint.Rachel may have been pretty clueless about relationships but it she failed to see how Quinn could keep doing this to her, if she was as deeply in love as she professed. _Why couldn't they just be together? _Things had gotten intense between them quickly; her dads' had been right regarding that aspect of their relationship. But, Quinn had pursued her just as hard, it hadn't been one-sided. Maybe it was simply Quinn didn't feel the same anymore and this was her way of telling Rachel. After all, she had changed a lot and perhaps she had outgrown the other girl. _Maybe she is actually running from me? _Rachel wished she could read Quinn's mind. There was so much going on behind those eyes that she didn't understand.

Finally, the diva spoke, trying not to get bogged down in all her thoughts. "I can't do this. You say you love me, but these last few days it's like you fell off the edge of the world. You tell me that you aren't breaking up with me but I haven't heard from you at all. I don't know how I'm supposed to just go on, while you figure things out. I don't know where I stand with you Quinn. I just can't anymore..."

"Rachel, wait! Please don't..."

With a decisiveness that shocked her Rachel replied. "I have to."

She hated herself. In a few sentences she had done what she swore she never would. She had given up on Quinn. She hadn't ever wanted that, but all this to and fro between them was so exhausting and frustrating. She couldn't handle anymore of Quinn pulling her close and then pushing her away. She had thought they were past it. She was so tired.


	26. Chapter 26

**Usual Disclaimer, you all know the drill by now. If I owned Glee Mckinley High would be overrun by gay couples LOL**

**Blah I'm British and I sometimes make mistakes. If you have read to this point you obviously don't mind. So thanks.**

**So, I have a feeling that the end is drawing in, I don't know yet how many chapters there will be after this, but just enjoy while you can. **

**Yet again, I have been bogged down by dialogue, but there's just no avoiding it, I've painted myself into a corner I guess.**

**I'm going to admit it, never having been in this situation, I struggled to write the part where Quinn goes to Rachel, I opted for honesty, what else is there really?**

The door shut with a soft click. Quinn had expected Rachel to slam it; she would have found some comfort in that. Rachel always appreciated a dramatic exit no matter what. Quinn couldn't grasp that this was the end. It was all too final. _How could it be over?_ Rachel was always there, the one consistent presence in her life she could count on. She waited tensed, counting the minutes, expecting the brunette to burst back through the door again. When her re-entrance didn't happen, Quinn sank to her knees on the kitchen floor, sobbing. She had done so with the intention to pray, but she couldn't bring herself to. God wasn't listening. If he was, he would have given her more courage, taken her doubts away so that she could sweep Rachel into her arms, holding her tight instead of pushing her away.

"I need to stop blaming everyone else." she admitted, saying the words aloud gave them power, so that she couldn't deny them._ This isn't God's fault, it's mine._

"Amen sister." Santana crouched on the floor next to the blonde. "That's the truth I've been unsuccessfully trying to beat you over the head with for several days."

"Is it too late?" Quinn couldn't forget the look in Rachel's eyes or the conviction in her voice.

"It doesn't have to be. Go after her! Do you have any idea how lucky you are? I'd kill for someone to care about me one tenth as much as the dwarf does for you. No-one puts up with my bullshit. She has seen every side of you and she still worships you, do you get how rare that is? Most people, when they really get to know girls like us, they don't stick around Q."

"You heard her though, she's done. I pushed her too far this time. It's over. I have to accept that."

Santana sighed. "No you don't! Stop making excuses. I get that you're scared, I don't blame you, you haven't exactly had a roadmap to healthy relationships, but Rachel is afraid too. She's given you everything. What more reassurance do you need? This is really happening. She's not coming back this time. It's your turn."

"I can't! What if..."

Santana looked her square in the eyes. "I'm going to remind you of something now, you may not like it, but you are going to hear it anyway. If this doesn't convince you, then I'll leave you alone to wallow for as long as you like." The cheerleader held onto Quinn's shoulders, hoping against hope that the sentiments would sink in. "Do you remember when we first met in those dance classes and your mom used to pick us up after and take us for ice-cream? She taught us those old dance moves, the three of us were stood in the middle of the parlour doing the bump or the jive or whatever lame move it was. We didn't care who was looking."

The memories flooded in then, a flurry of mental snapshots flooding her subconscious. _Giggling and twirling with her mom after dance classes_, _making cupcakes on a Sunday afternoon and watching black and white movies under blankets_. Quinn had forgotten all of this, or chosen to block it out, but the irrefutable prove was there before her eyes. Her mom had been full of joy once. It was a long time ago, but she had been able to conjure up a fragment of that former delight in the absence of Mr Fabray's oppressiveness.

Quinn tried to hold onto to the image of her mom spinning her, her hair loose, laughing wildly, but these moments were short-lived, and this Judy Fabray had eventually vanished, faded like the memories.

"What I'm trying to get you to understand Q is that, your mom, she should have left your dad years ago, but for whatever reason, she didn't. She made the wrong choice and I can't let you do the same. You may think you are doing right by Rachel with this break-up, but you're not."

Santana was right. She had to be brave. She couldn't let her fear be an obstacle like her mother had; Quinn had bore witness to the consequences of that mistake. Judy Fabray had been defeated, beaten down until she was just a shell. In this instance, Quinn was the one standing in her own way; she may be buckling but she didn't have to break. Not yet. It didn't have to be that way, she wasn't her mother.

"What are you waiting for? GO!"

Quinn didn't have to be told twice. She got into her car and raced the familiar stretch of road to Rachel's door. She had made the journey thousands of times, but in this instance, if it was possible; the route seemed to extend endlessly in front of her, whilst also not seeming long enough. She needed more time but she was terrified to take it.

Quinn had no idea what she was going to say. There was no quick fix and any justifications of her behaviour were really just excuses. She couldn't rely on romantic gestures or clichés, she had be genuine, the truth was the only thing that could save her. This was the most pivotal moment of her life so far, if she messed this up, there wouldn't be another chance. This was it, her last shot. _No pressure then. _Quinn thought as she reversed into the driveway.

The Berry Residence was dark and sealed tight, the very definition of unwelcoming. _Keep out_ it advised. Regardless Quinn knew Rachel was in there. She used her key, there was no point knocking, and Rachel wouldn't have answered if she had. Making her way upstairs, she speculated how in such a short space of time, she could feel like this much of an intruder in this house. Rachel's bedroom door was locked. Intuitively she must have foreseen Quinn coming after her, there was no-one else to keep out, her dads' weren't here. _No matter. _She would shout what she had to say through the barrier if necessary.

"Rachel, let me in." She yelled.

It felt absurd. They were going in circles. Quinn was all too aware of the fact that she had stood outside Rachel's door like this, wanting to apologise, not too long ago. That had been at the start of all this, they were just friends then, a new world opening to them. Yet they were doing this again. _What if they were just dancing the same steps, playing out their well-worn parts? _ _What made this attempt any different? _She meant it, but she had then too. How long had they lasted, the promises she made that day? _Perhaps Rachel was right to bring this sad pantomime to an end?_

No, she refused to acknowledge that, she wouldn't be here otherwise. This could be a new beginning. It had to be, the alternative didn't bear thinking about.

"Rachel, please, open the door!"

"What's the point?" The words were muffled. The door stayed closed. "There is nothing else to say."

"Yes there is. There's the truth, the one we've both been hiding from one way or another. This is real between us, I didn't expect it, and I certainly wasn't ready for it, but it happened anyway. We fell in love." Quinn paused, sitting down, her back against the door. She imagined Rachel mimicking her pose on the other side, it made it easier to continue. "Look, I'm not going to pretend anymore that everything is going to be fine. It's not. I'm still terrified, and I don't know what's going to happen. In all likelihood I will probably mess up again, I'm human, I can't help that. Neither of us is without fault. All I know is that, whatever happens, I want to deal with it, together, no running. I know I've said this all before, but, I don't know how else to tell you, I want to make an effort to be better. Not only for your sake but for my own too."

Rachel sniffed loudly, no doubt wiping her eyes. "How do I know that this time will be different?"

Quinn didn't have an answer to that. "I guess we are just going to have to trust each other. It's going to be hard, we have a long way to go. I know I can't undo what's happened but if anything bad happens in future, I swear I'll deal with it differently So please can we start over? A real new beginning, no blame, no bullshit, just us?"

Rachel opened the door smiling. Her face was puffy and red, but to Quinn she looked dazzling. That fragile smile, which lit up her features, was a ray of hope. The brunette held out her hand. "I'm Rachel Berry, nice to meet you."

Quinn laughed, returning the handshake. "Quinn Fabray and it's a pleasure to meet you too."


	27. Chapter 27

**I am literally overwhelmed by all the love for this story, you guys are amazing and kept me inspired to write even when I was struggling.**

**Alas we have reached the end. Sad but true. I didn't really know how to end this, except that I wanted it to be happy. I liked the simple, sweet ending of the last chapter so I drew inspiration from that.**

**So, this chapter is set a few weeks after the previous. (Before you say anything I'm aware Rachel's birthday is December 18****th**** but I am choosing not to make an issue of this for my own ends. Take it as you like; I had no seasons in mind when I wrote the story.)**

Quinn crept in to the bedroom precariously, balancing a baby and a breakfast tray wasn't the easiest of tasks. She set the servings of food on the bed as quietly as she could manage and perched on her side on the bed, propping Beth onto the pillows.

"Happy Birthday!" she squealed, surprised but relieved that Rachel was still asleep after her clumsy entrance.

The brunette propelled herself up, her cheeks still bearing the creases of the pillow. Quinn loved how Rachel looked in the mornings, all tousled hair and a sleepy grin. Rachel surveyed all the breakfast foods in turn, her eyes lighting up as she ticked off a mental checklist of all her favourites.

"I know that I went overboard, especially since your dads' have organised to take us for lunch, but I couldn't help myself." Quinn replied sipping her juice.

Her expression mirrored Rachel's own. She was so content right now that she seemed to be wearing a permanent grin. It hardly seemed real to feel this happy after the events of the last few weeks and months.

Letting go of everything, especially all her mistakes, had been a challenge for Quinn. The idea of a fresh start was so simple in theory but in practice it had been harder than she had even considered. Life understandably wasn't exactly the romantic ideal, even after the heart to heart. At first, the whole house was walking on eggshells, terrified to upset each other in case any arguments escalated. In those initial days, Quinn had didn't think it would be possible to get back to normality so quickly; there was a distance between her and Rachel, an unease that had never been there before. It was as though they were on tenterhooks, waiting for the other to recant their promises. They had addressed these fears though and the awkwardness had gradually receded to be replaced by their familiar intimacy.

Quinn loathed to tempt fate but they really were even closer than ever, both girls finally able to freely voice any concerns or worries without dread of any backlash. Quinn still had moments when she felt overwhelmed, but life wasn't such a battle anymore. She found herself embracing her existence again, looking forward to each new day. She guessed this was the true sense of a new start, she could feel the same sense of optimism that had infected her when she had first renewed her acquaintance with Rachel. It was like turning a page in a book to reveal a new chapter. She was conscious that it was early days and tried not to get ahead of herself, but notwithstanding, she was confident that the progress she had made was for keeps this time.

She watched blissfully as Rachel tucked into her breakfast, keen for the girl to at least taste everything on offer before she got swept up in the excitement of presents. Nonetheless Quinn's hand brushed briefly over the parcels concealed in her pocket. Santana's cousin had surpassed her expectations and she couldn't wait for Rachel to see the bracelet. Eventually, she could stall no longer, the anticipation was too great.

"Okay, Presents!" she exclaimed handing over the two packages. "This one's from me," she said shyly indicating to the smaller box, "and this one is courtesy of Beth."

Rachel took Quinn's gift and meticulously unwrapped each layer of paper, toying with the ribbon nervously before revealing its contents. "Oh Quinn, it's beautiful!" Rachel gushed. "Help me put it on." Quinn paused to kiss the delicate skin of Rachel's extended wrist before dutifully fastening the jewellery into place.

She had to agree. It really did look spectacular. Each link, individually adorned with a little gold star, twinkled delightfully in the early morning glow. She couldn't think of a present more becoming of her girlfriend. It was made for her and it simply belonged on her arm.

Rachel looked at Quinn. "Thank you." She whispered, opening the second gift with equal precision.

Quinn smiled as Rachel inspected the gift. There was silence as both of them allowed themselves to be lost in pleasant memories for a while. Finally, the spell broken, Rachel scooped the baby into her arms, kissing her cheeks and stomach in gratitude, as though Beth had really chosen the present. Rachel giggled and placed a more lingering kiss onto Quinn's lips.

"That was such a great day; I never wanted it to end." She remarked glancing again at the picture.

"I know." Quinn smiled. The photograph had been taken a week or so before. The weather had been unseasonably warm and they had decided to go for a walk by the river. Quinn had been happy to capture the outing on film. It had been almost magical, the three of them enjoying a seemingly perfect day together. The brunette placed the frame onto the bedside table, giving it pride of place. It was only then that she noticed the engraving on the other side.Her fingers traced the letters smiling.

_**Don't let the pressures get you down, keep singing out and keep singing loud. **_

"Quinn, that's lovely." Quinn snuggled closer, so that their pose imitated that of the photo, both girls nestled together with Beth sat evenly in the middle, as much on Rachel's lap as her mother's.

"So birthday girl, what do you want to do now?"

Rachel grinned mischievously. "I still have another present to unwrap." She laughed pulling open Quinn's robe.

"_That_ will have to wait." Quinn replied, breaking the embrace regretfully. "Your dads' have a mountain of presents downstairs and I promised I wouldn't keep you up here longer than necessary."

"This is necessary."

Quinn relented allowing herself to be kissed once more. _How could she refuse Rachel on her birthday? _It was only when the brunette's hand stroked her exposed breast that she again pulled away. "Later, I promise. Come on, I can't steal away all your birthday morning, your dads' will never forgive me."

Sulking only slightly, Rachel consented to be dragged downstairs. Quinn's eyes widened as her gaze hovered over the gifts; she didn't think she had ever seen so many for one person before. _I'll have to reign in Rachel's dads' when Beth's birthday rolls around._ She smiled as she watched Rachel, helped or hindered by Beth; begin to attack the presents with gusto. The brunette really was a natural with the baby and Rachel's dads' hovered happily in the background, overseeing everything. It was the ideal family scene.

"Quinn! Give me a hand here, quick before Beth gets buried under the gift-wrap!"

Quinn's heart soared with happiness. It dawned on her as she gazed at her family that this was shaping up to be the best day she had experienced in a long time and she was determined to savour every precious second. The past was over, she couldn't change it to matter how hard she tried. It was done and she had resolved not to let it affect her anymore. Similarly, the future was uncertain and she couldn't let the apprehension of events that may or may not ever happen dictate to her. She could cross those bridges when she came to them as long as she had Rachel. As far as Quinn could fathom, the present was all she could be sure of 100%, so she might as well enjoy it.

After all, she had everything she could want and there was nowhere else she would rather be. She thought again of the engraving she had chosen, despite the struggles, she was glad that they hadn't given up. It made her so proud to think of how far they had come.

"I love you." She said softly into the brunette's ear.

"I love you more."


End file.
